Joseph Smith

For years, I have wanted to understand Joseph Smith -- to really understand him. I grew up in a home which was fairly open about church history, with books by Juanita Brooks, Maurine Whipple, and even Fawn Brodie on the shelves. (I think that last one was primarily for family history purposes, since it was my great-grandma's sister who wrote it.) My mom spent her time in college doing research for a religion professor on Joseph Smith's plural wives, my grandpa writes unapologetic books about early pioneers, and I have learned of ancestors who interacted with him, for better or for worse. So there was no whitewashed Joseph Smith in my home.

Even so, there have always been surprises about Joseph Smith around every corner. Over the past few years, I have learned about multiple First Vision accounts, similar documents to the Book of Mormon from the early 1800s, translations attributed to Joseph Smith that really weren't translations, and a myriad of other facts that cause people to wonder and even doubt.

In many ways, I feel incredibly lucky that I've been able to turn to my family and to historians rather than online support when questions arise. I have never had the desire nor need to turn to Mormon Stories or other similar sources when I have had serious concerns. For example, when confronted with the sparse 1832 account of Joseph's First Vision, rather than wondering if he elaborated the vision as the years went by, I can say, "He was a lousy writer, particularly back in 1832. The dictated account of Section 76 in the Doctrine and Covenants, also written in 1832, strongly supports a view of the Godhead, same as later accounts of the First Vision, so he must not have made up that doctrine later as some people suggest."

But I won't deny that getting to this point has taken a lot of work, going from biography to biography, each a bit less idealized. Names such as William Law and John C. Bennett, Sarah Pratt and Helen Mar Kimball are familiar now. While some details will probably be never fully revealed, I have learned enough to come to three important conclusions:

1. Joseph Smith was not perfect. Not by any means.
2. He loved God enough to make confusing, terrible sacrifices that broke his heart and ultimately ended his life.
3. He was a prophet of God. He did the things he said he did, and he restored Jesus Christ's church to the earth.

Now, a biography won't necessarily let you know that 3. is true. And, really, none of the biographies have been as convincing for me as Joseph Smith's own words and teachings. It is in these words that I find truth, that I find light and joy and hope.

And so, in honor of today marking 170 years since his martyrdom in Carthage, Illinois, I have decided to share some of my favorite teachings from Joseph Smith. (I have specifically chosen most from the Doctrine and Covenants because most of that book actually consists of revelations where Christ is speaking to or through Joseph, and it's always wonderful to hear from Christ.)

• D&C 4:7 -- "Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." I can't even keep track of how many times this concept showed up in the Doctrine and Covenants, and I decided to just share the first instance rather than some of the more eloquent iterations. At any rate, I love it. I love that we have this open relationship with God through prayer and scripture study. We really can get answers.
• D&C 18:10-11 -- "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him." We often focus on how "backwards" early Church leaders were, especially when it came to racist policies. But verses like these remind me that for all their shortcomings, these leaders still knew that all human beings were children of God, and that we all have worth.
• D&C 24:8 -- "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." Christ isn't sugarcoating things -- life is hard! But Christ is with us through it all, especially when we let Him into our lives.
• D&C 29:34 -- "Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam, your father, whom I created." Although this may seem like an odd favorite verse, it reminds me that the tangible matters just as much as the spiritual. In church and in the temple, it is often the tangible and temporal (and itchy) that I notice the most, and sometimes I wonder why sacred ordinances have to be surrounded by the mundane so much. But this verse reminds me that having a physical body is a blessing, and there is so much to be learned from seemingly temporal commandments.
• D&C 35:2 -- "I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was crucified for the sins of the world, even as many as will believe on my name, that they may become the sons of God, even one in me as I am one in the Father, as the Father is one in me, that we may be one." This joined the ranks of favorite verses nearly a decade ago. I love the way reconciliation is taught -- Christ performed the At-One-Ment to make us one with Him and the Father. Also, when I was in high school, this verse somehow cleared up issues I had been having for months about when God spoke in the scriptures. Although it is one of only many, many verses which describe Christ's sacrifice for us, it is one of the most meaningful to me for that reason.
• D&C 42:46 -- "And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them." I love the idea that death is sweet to those who love Christ.
• D&C 43:6-7 -- "And this I give unto you that you may not be deceived, that you may know they are not of me. For verily I say unto you, that he that is ordained of me shall come in at the gate and be ordained as I have told you before, to teach those revelations which you have received and shall receive through him whom I have appointed." Although this isn't necessarily a "sweet" doctrine like the last few, I love this because it lays out how to avoid deception. There are so many voices vying for my attention, and I am so grateful for reminders like these.
• D&C 45:3-5 -- "Listen to him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before him—  Saying: Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life." Speaks for itself.
• D&C 58:42-43 -- "Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." -- I love that God will not hold our sins against us when we repent. I also love that He gives us a basic blueprint on how to repent.
• D&C 82:10 -- "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." Although I like the idea that the Lord is not a "tame lion" (as described in Chronicles of Narnia), I also like that He is a fair one. I feel like this verse sums up the history of the Old Testament and Book of Mormon, and gives me encouragement to keep my covenants.
• D&C 88:11-13 -- "And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings; Which light proceedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space— The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things." Okay, this might seem a little strange if you're not used to language like this. But as a musician and amateur composer, I love it. I love that you can usually recognize a composer's work by the characteristics found in the piece (I always write arpeggios). And so I love that you can recognize Christ's work by the light which is in it.  He is simply so good and glorious that everything He touches has light, including us.
• D&C 93. All of it! This is another chapter that describes light and grace and truth in beautiful ways. I also love that it explains how the mortal Jesus of Nazareth came to learn he was the Christ. Read it!
• D&C 101:27-31 -- "And in that day whatsoever any man shall ask, it shall be given unto him.  And in that day Satan shall not have power to tempt any man. And there shall be no sorrow because there is no death. In that day an infant shall not die until he is old; and his life shall be as the age of a tree; And when he dies he shall not sleep, that is to say in the earth, but shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye, and shall be caught up, and his rest shall be glorious." This is speaking about the Millennium, the time after Christ's Second Coming. Whether or not we live long enough to see it, isn't it nice to know what nice conditions are planned for that time?
• D&C 112:10 -- "Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers." This is just one of many instances where we are promised that the Lord will lead us and stay with us, and I love how gentle He sounds.
• D&C 121:41-43 -- "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;" There are many important concepts in these verses and the ones surrounding it, but what I love most for my life is how good of a guide this is as a parent. If you have to flaunt your authority to get someone to obey you, then you really aren't a leader at all.
• D&C 130:1-2 -- "When the Savior shall appear we shall see him as he is. We shall see that he is a man like ourselves. And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." This makes mortal life so much more meaningful. Heaven is going to be something we recognize, and it will be full of people we recognize. This means that every interaction we have, whether it be with neighbors, bank tellers, or the people at the other table in the restaurant, needs to be full of charity, otherwise we will probably be a little embarrassed someday in the eternities.
• D&C 137:7-10 -- "Thus came the voice of the Lord unto me, saying: All who have died without a knowledge of this gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God; Also all that shall die henceforth without a knowledge of it, who would have received it with all their hearts, shall be heirs of that kingdom; For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts. And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven." Well, I'm a fan of as many people getting into heaven as possible, and this seems like a fairly open policy. And, yay for all kids getting in!
  

Almost done! There are just four more verses from the Pearl of Great Price that I wanted to share. (I decided against sharing the ones I love from the Book of Mormon, because that would have taken way too long. Maybe another time. Same with the Bible [today was just about scripture Joseph Smith introduced].)

• Moses 1:39 --  "For this is my work and my glory -- to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." Everything God does is for us! (Does that mean that in turn, everything we do should be for Him?)
• Moses 5:11 -- "And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient." So, Eve often gets a bad rap, but this alternate telling of Adam and Eve makes it pretty clear she made a good choice, even with all the hardship it caused. (Fyi, the Book of Moses is basically a re-translation of the first several chapters of Genesis. It's cool.) As a woman, I find this verse incredibly empowering.
• Abraham 3:22 -- "Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones;" Although this isn't the only scripture that suggests we lived before we were born (see Jeremiah 1:5, for example), it is probably the most clear. And I love it! I love that we existed before we were in mortal bodies. When you see tiny tiny babies, so sleepy and yet so full of personality, it just makes so much sense that they are older than they appear. It means there is more to us than we can even imagine.
• Article of Faith 1:9 -- "We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God."  This verse is just so full of excitement. God has so much more to teach us! At the same time, isn't it interesting that He has already consistently taught us what matters most -- repent and come unto Christ? Interesting how that works.

As you can probably tell, I love what Joseph Smith taught. And it's for this reason that I can say I love Joseph Smith, even though I will never fully understand him. I am grateful that I have felt the urge to learn more about Joseph Smith from external sources, because it has helped me gain perspective and helped me increase in faith in God, who is willing and able to work through people as flawed as Joseph Smith.

But I am even more grateful that I have been able to learn from Joseph Smith. Much as I try to avoid any form of hero worship, I am not ashamed to sing "Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah." For it is largely thanks to Joseph Smith's inspired teachings that I have the relationship with Christ that I do. The scriptures he introduced provide verification of truth taught in the Bible as well as other truth that increases my faith in Jesus Christ as my Savior. He was, to the end, a witness of Christ.

And in the end, that's what matters most about Joseph Smith.

The Halfway Camping Trip

It's always a surprise when people read my blog. After my camping post a few weeks ago, I discovered that I had accidentally shot my social life in the foot.

"I'm sorry I ever brought camping up," a couple of friends said. "Now we know to never invite you to go camping."

That's what we wanted, right? Since we hate camping.

Except, I guess we don't. "I thought you were the one who hated camping!" Kevin and I said to each other. "I wrote that for your sake!" I told Kevin, who assured me that he really didn't mind it other than the planning and the sleeping on the ground. But now I felt bad that he was going to suffer for my hyperbole (unless, of course, it prevented him from ever having a Scouting calling).

So when an invitation came to go camping, we decided we needed to repent of our camping-hating ways and at least give it a try. Granted, we couldn't spend the night because of events the next morning, but at least we could prove that we could survive a few hours in nature.

As we drove up, fate threw everything at us to remind us of everything we hate about camping -- inexplicable stop-and-go traffic, rain, and trouble finding the spot. (I don't think I've ever made so many "We're lost!" phone calls in a row in my life.) Finally, an hour after we expected to get there, we pulled into the campground.

And then . . . it was camping! Food over a fire, little boys running off into beautiful woods, the occasional mosquitoes, and the occasional bit of rain to keep our chips moist and the air clear. It was fun! Really! I almost wished we owned a tent so we could set one up.

With flash

Without flash. Totally different!

At about 9 o' clock, it suddenly became a lot brighter outside.

But we don't own a tent, so when it got dark we headed home. The drive was much faster this time, and I think we were both looking forward to sleeping in a well-insulated house on a soft, comfortable mattress.

Of course, fate has a way of reminding you of what you are missing out on by replicating it as much as possible. It took Kevin as long to fall asleep as it would have in a sleeping bag or on an air mattress. I had washed my hair to get the smoke smell out, but that meant I slept in the damp just as much as I would have in a tent. And, opposite of Kevin (who slept like a rock once he finally fell asleep), I had trouble sleeping, in part because Kevin talked in his sleep for the second time in our marriage.

"You know what's funny? We are all lying on bike locks. I have a bike lock, the doctor has a bike lock, and . . . another doctor has a bike lock. Haha."

Come to think of it, I don't know how comfortable he really was on the mattress if it felt like he was lying on a bike lock. Maybe we would have been better off in a tent.

The next morning, Kevin went off to help a family move, and an hour later I woke up to help (and by help I mean eat the breakfast they had provided for those who helped them move [I suppose I was helping them get rid of food by doing that]). Although I had figured that my camping experiences were done by then, I realized that I was still getting to enjoy eating breakfast outside same as if I had gone camping. And then I kept an eye on kids who ran into the nearby woods, which also probably would have happened if I had still been camping. When we went back home, I discovered that if we were inside at all, Joseph spent most of his time screaming because he was sleep-deprived and Daddy-deprived, so we stayed outside, eventually riding the bike to the church to find Kevin. (People take their bikes on camping trips, right? So this still counts as camping, right? Or maybe I just wanted to talk about our morning.)

And . . . I guess that was our camping trip, give or take a few hours here and there. I suppose camping isn't so bad after all.

Warren Dunes

Guess what guys??? Kaylie and Derek are in Chicago this summer. This means they are within driving distance, especially if we meet up halfway. And that's exactly what we did on Saturday when we went to Warren Dunes.

Still rocking the front-facing car seat

The drive there was pretty good. I mean, we listened about a dozen times to the Sheep song from the "Stories of Jesus" CD my mom just sent Joseph, but it could have been about 180 times if he had had his way, so we lucked out there. Once we got there, we decided against going on any trails (it was just sand) and just hit the dunes and the beach.

We had heard from some friends that it was fun to ride down dunes in cardboard boxes, so we brought some along and lugged them up the dune. Once we got to the top we found some blessed shade so we hung out there for a bit before sliding back down. While we were there a park ranger came barreling up the dune in his four wheeler. Was he going to tell us off for trying something fun? He looked into our souls for a good ten seconds, looked into the souls of some nearby teenage boys for about thirty seconds, and then sped off, leaving a pile of sandy dust in his wake. Well, he didn't say anything, so we figured we'd give the cardboard sledding a try.

Um, it didn't work. At all. That is probably why he didn't tell us off. We decided to just sprint down the dune carrying the cardboard and then abandoned it forever in a trash can. And then it was time for the beach!

Thanks to the coldest winter since before sliced bread, the Great Lakes are still absolutely frigid. Even at this beach down at the bottom of Lake Michigan, I don't think the water was much more than 50 degrees.

Which meant, naturally, that Joseph loved it.

I took this right after he got in. Although it's ambiguous, that is a very happy face. Also probably hypothermic.

It wasn't enough for him to get in, though. He continually coaxed us to get off of the burning sand and poky rocks and "stam up" in the water.  Kaylie was best at following his orders.

Oh, that looks cold!

Hey Derek

Selfie!

He liked to fill this bucket with rocks. He also, predictably, liked to throw rocks in the water.

After a few hours of alternating between hot sand and frigid water, we decided it was time to head out and eat something. It was pretty hard to get Joseph to leave.

I think he's either saying "ride bus outside" or "get in the water" which has also joined his lexicon of "escape phrases"

This is when it finally set in that we were leaving.

I don't think a camera can capture the curvature of that frown.

We had to get a picture in our matching shirts. Joseph had one earlier but it got really wet.

Thanks for playing with us! We'll have to meet up again soon!

Birthday birthday

Today, I had this conversation while Joseph and I were riding the bus made of chairs and blankets to Grandma's house.

"Bus cake."
"That's right! You had a bus cake for your birthday! How did it taste?"
"Dat der. Candles."
"That's right! Your cake had candles on it."
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you."

And it reminded me that I should talk about Joseph's birthday a few weeks ago.

Like other kids his age, Joseph recently turned two. We decided to keep it kind of low-key, but it ended up being a pretty fun-filled day as it was.

We started with presents. We decided that instead of wrapping them all, we would cover some with blankets, put some in pillowcases, and wrap the remaining ones.

We marked the blanket covered presents by stuffed animals so he would know where to look.

And the aftermath! Lots of puzzles!

Then, he and Kevin went to a nearby parade while I took advantage of the cooler morning weather to make the cake. When they got back we hurried over to a barbecue/pool party where we were the only ones there for about 30 minutes. Unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera, so I never caught the perma-grin Joseph had the whole time he was in the water. Every time he stepped a bit further in and got colder and wetter, he would just giggle in delight. It was hard to get him to go.

After his nap, we went to a nearby creek to throw rocks in the water. Although he was as excited about this as he was for the swimming pool, he was down to business here, and it was hard to get a smile.

Ready to drop a rock in

Best buds

He kept going for bigger and bigger ones

I can't blame him for wanting to throw so many rocks in. Look at that splash!

It was really cold water. But it was really hot out, so it worked great.

When we were about ready to have dinner, we realized that we had forgotten to buy candles or balloons (although, conveniently, the streamers were still up from my birthday as well as our March party, since we never take decorations down on principle). All Joseph cared about when it came to his cake was candles, so Kevin ran to the store to get some. Meanwhile, I worked on decorating the cake. As Joseph mentioned today, it was a bus cake. To say he loves the bus is an understatement. If he ever gets upset about something, say, his milk is in the wrong color cup or something and we encourage him to "use his words" to sort out the issue, his immediate response is usually "ride bus outside." Wakes up in the middle of the night? "Ride bus outside." When we do ride the bus, he likes to walk down the road a bit to watch it come. When he sees it at the end of the road, he starts to shriek and laugh with excitement. It's pretty great. And then once he's on the bus, he's usually pretty stoic until we're off. Then, "Ride bus again?"

He actually couldn't tell what it was until I told him repeatedly. It's okay. Like I said, he cared mostly about the candles and tried to eat them as soon as Kevin brought them home. I think he thought that was the point of candles. (Candy, candles, same thing, right?)

Then, after dinner (he wanted pasta, raisins, and crackers), it was time for cake!

He liked it. Especially the frosting.

And, just like that, we had a two-year-old!

We sure like him.

(And, if you're curious, here are some videos. The first is him trying to sing the Happy Birthday song. The next is the time we put a bonfire on his cake and expected him to blow it out [who knew two little candles could look so epic on video?]. And the last is some birthday prep we did about a week before his birthday. It has taken us about til now for him not to say "almost two" when we ask how old he is. And no, I don't feel bad for doing a bus cake instead of a dinosaur or ice cream cake)

Hooray for Joseph!

Camping

It's the time of year when people start talking about camping again. This means that it comes up in normal conversation with questions such as "So, do you guys like to go camping?"

The problem with my go-to answer for anything that isn't my favorite thing ever ("No, that's the worst thing ever") is that people generally want to know why it's the worst thing ever, or how many things can even fit into the worst thing ever category to begin with.

So I have to come up with more excuses.
"It stopped being fun when I was a teenager."
Why?
"Because . . . I'm a girl."
So?
"Um . . . I didn't like Girl's Camp."
Why not?
"(Don't get me started.) Uh . . . I didn't like waking up stiff and cold and wet and early."
 Well, then you were doing it wrong!
"Kevin doesn't like it either."
Why not?
"I don't know."

To be honest, there are plenty of reasons I haven't gone camping in years, the primary one being that I have no equipment. That combined with the general lack of clean bathrooms (I was once so terrified of port-a-potties that I did not use the bathroom for an entire overnight trip), smoky smell, mosquitoes, and the hard work it takes to make a campout happen has prevented it from happening.

But all this interrogation has made me realize the main reason I haven't enjoyed camping since I was a kid -- I haven't found a campground with an amphitheater. (Granted, I haven't looked, either.)

I mean, what good is a camping trip without an appearance from Thistle Woman? Or Cinderella? Forget the starry sky and roasted marshmallows -- it was the amphitheater at the Guinavah campground in Logan Canyon that kept us coming back year after year.

When we weren't going on hikes or preparing meals, my sisters and I would spend the days planning plays at the amphitheater. It had a stage that was just perfect for dancing or doing comedy sketches, and we would rehearse until it was time to show off to our parents. They would dutifully watch, even my dad, probably because he had forgotten to bring his book along.

The best skit we did was Thistle Woman. Leslie was the writer, director, and star. She called herself Thistle Woman because she would dot her shirt with thistles. I guess these thistles made her good at solving crimes, because that's what she did for her job. Kaylie and I would be her trusty sidekicks, although I don't think she ever let us actually help save the day from the imaginary villains. They had to be imaginary of course, because someone's feelings might have gotten hurt if they had to be the bad guy. But this meant that watching a panicky Leslie yelling "Avenge me!" while she was dragged off the stage by imaginary villains was a bit underwhelming and bizarre.

After her clever escape (hey, maybe Kaylie and I helped with that after all), Jennie and Kiana would get up on the stage and sing Veggie Tales songs and the ABCs. And then maybe Spencer would crawl across the stage for good measure. And then it was time for dinner.

To me, camping is synonymous with awesome skits, and perhaps I'm afraid to spoil the magic by going camping and knowing for sure that it's instead synonymous with not sleeping well. Nor do I think that going to a campground with an amphitheater would fix things -- the skits would be ironic and nostalgic instead of real.

But maybe when we have kids that are old enough to enjoy an amphitheater, we can go camping again. I imagine the world will need the skills of Thistle Woman again by then.