Bedtime

When we moved to Utah, one of the first things I noticed was how thoroughly our bedtime routine collapsed. For months it was a long, arduous affair like it had never been before to get the kids in bed and keep them there. We tried having the older boys in separate beds in the same room. In the same bed. In separate rooms. And every night it felt like it took at least 3 adults 90 minutes to make bedtime happen compared to the one person who did it in Connecticut while the other washed dishes.

So we got frustrated, we tried all sorts of consequences, and we kept on tweaking. And gradually, we've come up on some rules that have made things easier. As fun as it was to read library books on the main level, we realized that dragged things out too much so we said that reading books couldn't happen until everything else was done (like brushing teeth), and then we could only read books that were already in the basement (no going back upstairs for any reason). We made a rule that they had to sit on the couch while we read scriptures rather than playing with toys in the same room (and made that rule easier by scratching their backs while we read). We said that parents couldn't snuggle in bed with kids (there are full and queen size beds, so there was room for us, but it was dragging things out). We did our best to make sure Jacob wasn't hungry and was wearing a brand of diaper that didn't soak through. And while we didn't have an exact minute that bedtime started, we did our best to finish what we started in a timely manner.

To our surprise, the biggest thing that helped was switching Joseph to Matthew's room. We had put Matthew in a different room because he was keeping everyone awake, but when Jacob needed a bit of sleep training we put Joseph in with Matthew temporarily so that Jacob wouldn't wake him up. When Jacob generally started sleeping through the night (minus a few teething nights), we told Joseph he could sleep in his old bed again. But he wanted to stay with Matthew because the two of them would play with stuffed animals and transformers in bed for a while after we tucked them in. There have been occasional squabbles, but for the most part everyone goes to bed and stays in bed.

Most of my bedtime rules were pronounced in moments of desperation, but I see now why they worked. They gave the kids more boundaries and more intimacy. It's good to know where you belong rather than being spread throughout the house. It's good to have to sit on the couch, especially if you get a back scratch. It's good to know that you can still get all the cuddles you want but that your parents do not belong in your bed. And it's good to know that your brother wants to play with you a little bit after lights are out.

I guess this is what parenting is about. Predictability, security, boundaries, and love.

And teething. Always teething. Even the 6 year old.

Change and gratitude

I think about change sometimes. How do cultures change? How do people change? How do I change?

The first realization I had about that was that change usually doesn't happen until there's no way to avoid it. When I moved back home, I was surprised to see that, despite all the growth in the area, there still weren't sidewalks along the older roads.

Where the sidewalk ends

"They don't bother unless there's a new development," my mom explained. They had petitioned for sidewalks along that main road ever since they moved in, but no one had bothered because no one wanted to foot the bill. Compared to other projects, it was pretty easy to ignore. Something being a good idea didn't mean it was going to happen.

Something similar stood out to me as I read Hidden Figures. It was the World War II labor shortage that first caused people to reach out to African American women to work for NASA. Once they did, the whole country was blessed because of the brilliant women who solved some incredibly hard problems. And yet, without the original labor shortage, all of these women would have been an untapped resource for perhaps several more decades. All too often, change comes only when the usual options are exhausted.

Sometimes it is easier recognize the need for change than to create the change. This is often true for our own habits and mindsets. We may know that the usual options of coping and complaining aren't working anymore, but how do we make the actual change? There are books and podcasts out there, but it can be a chore constantly examining your thoughts and mindsets. It's even possible to listen to those podcasts and come away thinking of people in your life who need the advice more than you. How do you enact change within yourself?

Then the answer came to me: Change is hard, but gratitude is easy.

If you approach life with gratitude, so many problems can disappear. Perhaps you can't (or shouldn't) avoid all conflict, but its resolution can come without ill will on your part. When you live with abundance, there are fewer battles to fight. And best of all, personality flaws like laziness, impatience, and selfishness will melt away in the warmth of gratitude and a giving mindset.

How does change happen? I still don't entirely know, but I think it always begins with a foundation of gratitude.

Veterans and Voices

Most of my Internet browsing these days is based on house stuff. Cabinets, doors, windows, all of that. It's interesting to us right now, but it probably makes for boring reads for most people.

So here is some stuff I've read that doesn't have to do with home design. Most of it was today because I don't remember what I read further back, but oh well.

First, last night Kevin and I were talking about voices. I feel like a lot of people with big personalities also have big voices -- usually pleasant, melodic voices that really carry. So I looked up why some voices carry more than others and got a fun little lesson about vocal cords.

https://www.livescience.com/22191-loudmouth-voices-carry.html

Next, in honor of Veteran's Day, here are a few articles I read about World War I.

http://www.keepapitchinin.org/2008/07/31/jens-leslie-stevenson-called-to-serve/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_II,_German_Emperor

So let's talk for just a minute about Kaiser Wilhelm. I know that people have a habit of comparing politicians to Hitler (especially Bush, Obama, and Trump), but I have to say . . . Kaiser Wilhelm definitely reminds me a lot of our current head of state. Hoo boy. Wonder what Wilhelm's Twitter feed would have looked like.

This next link takes you to an image of a lovely letter written to Major Brent Taylor's family. I am so grateful he was a light while he was in Afghanistan:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/maj-brent-taylor-s-family-gets-letter-afghan-military-colleague-n931911

I was especially touched by how he helped his colleagues value their wives and children more. I have really been thinking a lot about a slight variation of the 2nd Article of Faith: "We believe that women will be punished for their own sins, and not for Eve's transgression." For so much of the history of the world, women have been treated as inferior and some people look to Genesis to justify it. But we know that that is a wicked, false tradition. I still see the cultural baggage from it here and there (sometimes in places I think it least belongs), but overall I am grateful to be in a society that sees women as equals. (I also think the lack of drinking culture helps a lot with that.)

As for books that I've read . . . as always, I'm more likely to reread than read, so there haven't been a ton. But here are a few.

Warbreaker -- I was thinking the other day that I don't have all that much nerd cred, engineering degree aside. I mean, the last Marvel movie I really saw was Avengers in 2012, and I just saw that because everyone said you should go see a movie before you have a baby. So I think I'm going to try and catch up on all the Brandon Sanderson books because I've already got a good headstart. I think all I'm missing now is . . . each of his 1000+ page books. Sigh.
Anyway, back to Warbreaker. It was fun. It was clever. I guessed a lot of the plot.

A Gentleman in Moscow -- I'm only about 100 pages in, but so far I'm enjoying it. It's not a page-turner (except that I turn pages ahead to see if I'm right about my guesses), but it's still lovely. I read Warbreaker about as fast as I can eat a bowl of popcorn, but this is much denser. I'll do my best to finish it.

Educated  -- Read most of it (skipped a lot of the beginning because I didn't want to read about neglect and physical abuse). I liked it when she got to BYU and started learning about things like going to the doctor. I had some quibbles with it, but when I tried to write them down they came out wrong. So you can ask me in person if you care!


And last but not least . . . This xkcd really made me laugh. https://xkcd.com/2065/