I finally sat down and made a little newsletter. I had hoped this year would be the year where I would mail real Christmas cards out, but it was not to be.
So, you get this instead!
A few things I left off:
my proudest accomplishment was actually throwing 2 birthday parties the same day for the same boy. With 2 separate cakes and 2 entirely different party plans (thanks to different kids with different personalities).
I was going through my mind a bit of what we miss most and least about Ann Arbor, and I decided that what I missed least was potlucks. It has been so nice not having to go to parties and think of something to feed other people! (Am I unique in this? I don't mind cooking for other people, but I prefer assignments.)
Mice and chipmunks didn't deserve a place on my newsletter. In happy news, when we came back last night from 2 weeks in Utah there were no dead mice in the house. And the traps hadn't moved, either, like they would have if mice had gotten on and then off. So maybe they're all gone.
I didn't talk much about our trips to Utah or visits from family. That's what this blog is for!
Overall, it's been a great year. We had some disappointments, some surprises, and some losses (most notably my grandpa), but life is so so so good and we are so blessed.
Matthew is so fun! He likes to point out eyes, hair, shoes, socks, and noses. He recognizes dogs in books. He loves balls.
But most of all, he loves . . .
I came back one day to find these boys watching Mater's Tall Tales, and obviously there were some elements Matthew liked a lot.
Yup. We've got a car lover. The other day he woke up from a nap totally inconsolable. A banana helped, but what really saved the day was hearing that Joseph was watching "Cars." He began making the sign for "car" and said it all the way down the stairs.
During prayers, if he doesn't interrupt by saying "Amen!" periodically throughout the prayer, he usually blurts out "car" a couple of times. If I ask, "Can you say," planning to have him say another word, he usually responds, "Car! Car! Car!"
It's mostly cute. It's been increasing for the past 5-6 months (remember his car birthday?) so I would be lying if I said it wasn't a bit tiresome. But it's mostly cute.
And, it adds for a little variety. I mean, Joseph pointed out every single Christmas light on the drive tonight. Matthew pointed out every car. Couldn't have both kids appreciating the same things, right?
(I am halfway tempted to end by writing the word car 500 times to symbolize what we hear over a 3 day period. But I will forbear.)
I never really have. It's awkward, it's embarrassing, and it's more eye-opening than I really care for. Do I really look like that? Do I really move like that? Do I really lisp like that? And everyone but me has to deal with that all the time??? Haha!
But as much as I feel funny about videos of myself, I feel equally energized by playing the piano for people. So I decided to jump on the Facebook Live bandwagon and make some Christmas movies.
I chose to do it at my in-laws house because I was pretty sure they would have a better connection than at our place in New Haven (the upload speed in Northwood probably ranks in the top 5 things I miss about Ann Arbor). They were good sports about me taking over the piano when I sort of threw the news on them (and of course, the short notice came back to surprise me when I learned lots of people were coming that morning!). Kevin and I figured out a way to prop up my phone, and then I took a deep breath and decided to go live!
There were some terrifying parts. Facebook would tell me who was watching, and I would panic as some names floated by. "Wait, he's watching? She's watching???? They know a lot about music! They know how things are supposed to sound! Yikes!" I would also panic a little as I waited for the next comment to tell me what to do. I hadn't thought of any filler things to say, so it was excruciating to wait.
Of course, the real terror came when the song and composer suggestions came. Sometimes a name would come up where I only vaguely knew any pieces by the composer (such as Erik Satie or Leonard Cohen). And, if I were a "real" pianist, I would know how to just plain play in the style of a composer without racking my brain for a piece of theirs that I know how to play to mash with the Christmas song. But I'm not, so I would have to hurry and think if I knew any pieces that would remotely work with the song. And you can't keep people waiting on Facebook Live!
But despite the terror and the total feelings of inadequacy, it was really, really fun, especially on those occasional moments where things just clicked. I was so grateful to everyone who was so supportive.
After about 15 minutes, I decided that it was time to stop hogging the piano, so I wrapped it up.
And that's when I discovered that the whole thing had been filmed sideways. Oops!
And that's also when I discovered some comments that I had missed, so I decided there was nothing to do but to try again the next day.
It's a unique experience playing impromptu music like this. There are a lot of things to keep track of -- the melody of the original song you're playing, the key you're in, the style you're trying to keep, etc. There were several songs where I lost one or more of those components, and I had to just keep playing until I got back to somewhere recognizable.
As I rewatched both, I thought, "Ack" over some parts (mostly about my physical appearance), "Oof" about my goofs, and "Oh well" for the mistakes in both appearance and performance that I didn't have control over.
But people are forgiving. And impromptu playing is forgiving, too -- no one really expects perfection when you are flying by the seat of your pants. It's just a fun adventure we all get to share together.
Although . . . I think it would be more fair if the people making suggestions had to be on the camera too. :)
(one last thing . . . I still think it's funny people wanted me to play in the style of Piano Guys. Can't do that without a cello!)
Last year, we decided to go to Alabama to have Thanksgiving with the Paulsons. We had a good time, so we decided to repeat last year's success and have it with them again, except this time they would visit us!
Granted, the drive from New Jersey to Connecticut is less harrowing than the drive from Michigan to the very very bottom of Alabama. But it's no cakewalk either, so we were glad they were brave enough to make the trek!
Here are some highlights.
Not driving on I-95 the day before Thanksgiving. Or any road anywhere near I-95. They eventually made it though!
Not setting the house on fire after leaving the range fan on probably a little longer than we should have. (I don't think it was anywhere near fire stage, but it was smelling a little funny.)
Seeing cousins play and dance together.
Actually I think they were watching Tarzan right then. I wasn't the best at taking pictures, to be honest.
Playing Codenames, even if it went really badly.
Not peeling the potatoes, even though I was afraid everyone would judge us for leaving the peels in the mashed potatoes.
Using uneaten bread crusts to make stuffing. Turns out picky kids help you save money! (And the germs got cooked away, of course.)
Making a pretty good pumpkin pie. Not that pumpkin pie is that good to start with, but at least it wasn't gross.
Getting so much quality time from little 1-year-olds who never ever ever wanted to nap the day of Thanksgiving. Either of them.
Being reintroduced to real hairdos and foundation by my beautiful sister. I think she inherited a few genes there that I didn't.
Eating Thanksgiving food!!!
Meeting lots of people from different countries.
Eating turkey cooked by a really good cook.
Not telling people that the Paulsons were actually siblings of the Palssons (since that would have been lying), but a few people assuming that anyway even without knowing their last name.
Thoroughly enjoying my first plate of Thanksgiving food.
Somewhat enjoying what I could eat of my second helping.
Enjoying the two slivers of pie I managed to barely fit in.
Having room in my tummy an hour later to enjoy pie at a different pie party.
Singing songs from the Reader's Digest Christmas songbook, including the never-before-sung "The Boy Who Santa Claus Forgot." Talk about a tear jerker.
Singing with opera singers. (And Matthew.)
Watching Derek read a cookbook the night after Thanksgiving. Howwwww did anything sound good???
Walking around the prettier parts of New Haven to get to the art museum.
Here's the Yale it never fails it makes me wanna wag my tail when I come I want to wail YAAAAAAAAALE! #bluesclues
Not breaking a stroller on the teeny tiny elevator at the museum.
Being outnumbered by security guards at the museum.
Being followed around by grumpy security guards at the museum from room to room.
Appreciating that security guards are the same everywhere across the world and cannot handle any part of a toddler touching the ground other than the toddler's shoes. (No sitting on the ground, for example.)
For example, right after this picture, K. happened to sit down for two seconds, and the security guard was immediately motioning for her to stand up again. Because . . . slivers. On her pants. I guess.
Seeing art at the museum. Actually I think I was so preoccupied with the security guards I don't even remember much art beyond the armless Greek statue women. Ha! (Wait. There was Monet and Degas too.)
Not being in the museum anymore so we could eat.
Eating tacos.
Playing.
Eating Kevin's birthday cheesecake because somehow nobody felt like they got enough pie the day before. (Everyone was too full to eat much pie, but still.) We broke one of our cardinal rules and shared it with the Paulsons. Derek got the most interesting bites.
Say what you want about the photography skills, it tasted really good.
Dominating Dominion.
He wanted to watch us play, but I think it got a little boring.
not too shabby
Only having to listen to snippets of Gilmore Girls.
Making the top 3 favorite people list for my niece K., which meant that I got to hold her sometimes. (Yay!)
Eating New Haven pizza for lunch on Saturday because you only live once, especially when you're eating a lot of pies and cheesecakes and tacos and pizzas.
Eating apples to balance the junk food out.
Almost seeing Michigan beat Ohio State after the Paulsons left.
The Ohio State and Michigan robots.
Overall, it was a fun, laid back weekend with family and we are so grateful we got to see them!
One night I went to bed while Kevin was up working. When he came in, I asked angrily, "Are you done playing Settlers now?"
I have no memory of this.
Nor does he have a memory of what happened the next night. At about 12:45, he got up in bed, crouched down, and began tapping vigorously on my shoulder. "Hey hey hey hey," he said in a strange voice. "Kyra. China. Was I different in China?"
"I don't know," I replied crossly. Then he slumped back down and went to sleep. Luckily, I was able to fall back asleep quickly, too.
It is great to be able to have conversations with the one you love at all hours of the day, even if only half actually remembers the conversation (and is slightly freaked out by it).
This afternoon, after Joseph used the bathroom, he came up to me.
"I want to tell you a secret." He then whispered in my ear, "I used soap."
I nodded with approval. Kevin asked if he could hear the secret too, so Joseph decided to whisper it to him, too.
Then I thought for a second. "Do you normally use soap?" I asked.
"Yes. I just don't want to tell you about it every time I do it."
Phew.
I guess we've sort of got an atmosphere of secrets around here. Christmas time is always like that, and this year Kevin's birthday had more secrets than usual.
I had decided to throw a surprise breakfast birthday party for him in honor of the big 3-0, and it involved a lot more secrets than I was used to.
"Kevin, with your birthday coming up, make sure you don't accidentally look at my email, okay? I'm coordinating with my mom a bit." I mean, I guess that was true, but in the end all he got was a phone case. What was really being protected was all the emails from guys in the ward.
"Why do you want to go shopping on my birthday? Is there something going on Saturday?" he asked once, his eyes narrowing.
"I want you to have Snickers for your birthday, and I may as well get other stuff while I'm out." I did get Snickers, but I also got supplies for his party.
Of course, I had to have reasons for those supplies.
"Did you mean to buy so many eggs?" he asked.
"I'm hoping we don't have to go shopping before our trip to Utah, so I got a lot."
"Why are you asking so many questions about what to make for breakfast Saturday?" "I just want to make you something you'll really like."
"Why is there so much apple juice?" "I really really like apple juice right now."
"Why are you vacuuming right now?"
"It has just been so cluttered all week and I want things totally clean for once."
"What are you looking for in the freezer?" "Peas to cook with the hashbrowns. I can't find them." I eventually did find the secret stash of bacon though.
I had prepared an answer for all of his questions, but I still felt like the spider Joseph brought home from preschool on Thursday. He had had a lesson on honesty, and he had made a paper plate with yarn weaved all across it to look like a web, and in the middle was a spider. "Don't get caught in a web of lies!" it read on the spider. Good thing Joseph had other sources to learn honesty from this week besides me, I guess.
But finally this morning the secrets would be over. After a lackluster birthday for Kevin (I was gone for a Relief Society activity, for example), I was finally going to make his birthday feel special. A few minutes before 8, we heard the doorbell.
I answered it and there was one of Kevin's friends. Kevin looked at him in bewilderment.
"Surprise! You're having a birthday party right now! He's here to play games with you and eat breakfast." Kevin began to laugh. "Okay."
More people began to show up, and before too long there was Lord of the Rings risk in the living room and Dominion in the kitchen. They paused for some food and then kept playing til almost 11.
First time planning an Elders Quorum Activity was a success
He took the game very seriously.
After they left, Kevin turned to me with understanding. "So that's why you put on jeans this morning." "That's why you bought all the apple juice and eggs."
"That explains all the cleaning last night."
"That explains why I couldn't look at your email."
I explained that I had originally planned to have the party on his birthday at like 6 in the morning, and maybe arranging things so that he had to drive kids to seminary. Then he'd come back to a bunch of guys there to celebrate. But no one was keen on that idea, so we went for a Saturday party instead. 8 am was still pretty early for a party, but at least he wouldn't have all day to be suspicious.
"I had considered having you run to the store to get some orange juice or something so you'd be surprised when you got back, but I guess it sort of worked for you to just be surprised when the doorbell rang." He agreed.
All that had been secret had finally been revealed. The web of secrets and deception was finally dissolved.
Well, I guess there's still Christmas. And every time Joseph uses soap.
Thursday, as we were walking in from a pie party I saw a mouse scurry across the floor down a few stairs to its home above the basement ceiling.
We have a lot to be grateful for, but not mice.
In the past month or so of chasing them down and filling in holes, we've learned a lot about them. Here's a small sample.
Things that sound like mice:
Couch cushions rustling
Garbage bags settling in the trash can
Clocks ticking
Refrigerator squeaking when we pull it out to fill in holes in the wall
Baseboard heaters turning on
Matthew sucking on a pacifier
Things that don't sound like mice:
Joseph squeaking to sound like a mouse
Mice. Too quiet.
Things that catch mice:
Not any traps we've tried, at least after the first two.
Oh well. We might set out some more heavy duty traps when little ones aren't around to get their fingers snapped off. That will be a fun post-Christmas present.
Now that I have a working laptop again (thanks Kevin!) it's time to share some of the videos that have been piling up since we moved here.
It's funny to think now that there ever was a time in which Matthew couldn't walk. But when we left Michigan he only had walked a tiny bit, preferring to speed crawl everywhere.
That changed.
And once standing was part of his life, so was stomping his feet. So yet another rendition of "If you're happy and you know it."
I like pirates as much as I like dinosaurs, but I let him celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day anyway.
This book has stayed remarkably intact.
Joseph made an alternate version of the song his aunt Kaylie made when she was little. It is possible to touch the ceiling!
I had made a lot of little videos trying to show Matthew's little singsong voice but this was the best I got.
I think this video was to show how Matthew likes to follow Joseph around. And show the kind of songs Joseph sings all the time.
One day our neighbor kids didn't have school so they played outside and left all these Twizzlers. We missed the chance to play with the kids but we played with the Twizzlers at least.
MJ or JM?
We do lots of crafts and some are great for dancing.
Matthew is just so cute!!! He has so much to say.
And even more. (I forgot to get him saying shoes and socks, but those might be my favorite.)
And finally . . . I have so many videos of me singing Popcorn Popping, usually to get Matthew to do the signs. But this time I just sang it to show off my amazing laryngitis voice. And Joseph's reaction.
A few weeks ago, we had family pictures at the most beautiful park!
Let me pause for a moment to tell you about Edgerton Park. It's just this lovely estate not too far from our house (we drive there, but we really could walk) that was donated to the public. It has community gardens, a greenhouse, a fountain, and lots of lovely paths. And I just found this lovely website showing pictures of the mansion that used to be there. (I was wondering why there wasn't a big house there with such a lovely estate, so that made more sense.)
We had a wonderful morning working with Aubree of EE Photography and I'm so excited to show you how great a job she did! And, here are a few quick updates about us.
We are really happy here in Connecticut. There are hard things still, such as dealing with mice who no longer step on traps, and I do regret taking Joseph from his large group of friends and a more carefree environment, but life is really good.
Life. Most of the time.
I do admit I've developed a slightly dark sense of humor to cope with some of the unpleasant idiosyncrasies of living here (maybe sometime I'll share New Haven driving bingo), but overall it's astonishing just how easy it is to be content. I kind of smiled today as I thought about the list of things weighing on me or bugging me or disappointing me right now and how they generally have little to no bearing on my mood, except occasionally. (Like last Tuesday. Or this Monday.)
One thing that's helped us adjust is that we've had lots of social activities. For a while we would eat dinner on Sundays over at student housing with other Yale students. It's gotten too dark too early for that now, but there are still plenty of ward activities (especially with Relief Society) and chances for social interaction with our callings. Usually when I move to a place I only show my serious, quiet side because my goofy, snappy side is so quirky that I don't want to weird people out before I've even met them. But this time it's happened faster where Kevin and I have made friends that we can be a little sarcastic with, and even though I know sarcasm is technically bad, it is nice to not suppress that side of my personality. (Not that it was ever really suppressed. Kevin and I spend most every evening in constant good-natured banter.)
I am doing well. As per usual, I spend a lot of time feeding small children (though the days of Otter Pops and baby carrots for the neighbor kids are gone). I am involved in a sort of laid back Joy School (I sometimes laugh when I see pictures of friends doing Joy School right because ours is so casual in comparison.). I am also serving in the Primary Presidency trying to figure out what on earth Cub Scouts and rechartering is all about and trying not to sound too obnoxious asking people to take Youth Protection Training. Church and my calling has kept me pretty busy lately with meetings and Primary Program practices and visiting teaching and soooooooooo many emails and phone calls and texts, but it feels good to be useful.0
Other than that . . . I'm not up too much! I spend most days happy and content with my life, and then about once a month I fly into a panic of "What am I doing with my life? I am not creating anything right now!!!" Then I start making all sorts of plans. One day I thought that I should get a law degree and do pro bono work. Then the next day I wondered if I should do something more creative, perhaps network with real musicians and make something beautiful with them. In a fit of "I've got to do something!" I sat down and did several difficult problems from my Calc 3 textbook I used 9 years ago just to see if I still had it. I've still got it.
But then a few days later, I calm down and remind myself that it's okay to have quiet seasons too, and that I really am doing a lot of good right now by living a flexible, available life. And at any rate, being less busy has kept the house generally cleaner and led to earlier dinners, and I like that too.
These two are so fun! Over the past few months Joseph has gotten a little more patient with Matthew, and maybe Matthew has been less inclined to knock things over, so they generally play pretty well together. Matthew loves to follow Joseph everywhere, especially into the bathroom. The other day Matthew was at the top of a slide and too scared to come down, so Joseph went up there and tenderly (and maybe awkwardly) placed him on his lap so they could slide down together. Love it.
Matthew is SO SWEET. He follows Joseph around, copies his dance moves, sings along, mimics everything we say, and snuggles like a champ. As soon as Kevin comes home and sits on the couch, Matthew comes over with a book and insists that he read it ("up please up please"). He rotates through naughty toddler antics -- sometimes he wants to touch everything, sometimes he wants to throw food, sometimes he wants to squirrel things away (such as crayons into the heater vent), and right now if he's quiet there's a good chance he's headed for a toilet. He has also become a fan of hiding, even if it just means putting his back to the wall and waiting for us to "find" him. He has a favorite corner now where he just sits and looks at books. (I would share pictures but I don't want the comparison of cell phone pics and lovely professional photos hurting your brain.) He loves Baby Signing Time and knows maybe a dozen signs and a few dozen words. His favorite food is probably butter.
Joseph is so fun! He loves to do crafts, dance, exercise ("because it's healthy"), dress in superhero uniforms down to the socks and underwear, build, listen to books (especially chapter books right now), imagine, and help. His favorite movie right now is Kung Fu Panda (he always does a lot of kickboxing moves as soon as it's done) and his favorite TV show is Mr. Rogers. He is getting better and better at reading and writing. He likes it when we pull out maps and talk about the different countries. He also likes turning on the "demo" button on the piano and making up stories about the different songs. "This one is about Superman is dead." "This one is about Superman is alive again." "This one is about Jungle Book."
That is his Hulk shirt. It's 2T, just like most of his other favorite clothes. Sigh.
It's been kind of fun tweaking ways to help him learn and grow. I've learned a bit to give him permission to have his feelings and just give suggestions for "bad things" he can do when he's mad such as yelling into a pillow because that will hurt the pillow's feelings or grading his feet-stomping to see if he can perfect the art. We deal with a lot of frustration here, and today I told him that every mistake he made while writing in lowercase would result in another chocolate chip. That changed the mood for sure!
I've fretted about not having him in a more formal preschool, and 3 months in I have yet to get a "yes" about a formal playdate (not for lack of trying, for goodness sakes), but we still try and get some socializing in for him with kids closer to his age. This usually happens at Institute, at ward playgroups (which are more informal than in Ann Arbor, but still happen), but also a lot just at our favorite park down the street. There are times when I feel out of place there (mostly because I worry I'm making people uncomfortable) but it's always so great to see Joseph becoming friends with all sorts of different, wonderful kids.
And then there was the time at Chick-Fil-A when he played in the playplace with a few boys who immediately adopted him into their game and it sounded exactly like the kind of playing he did every day at the sandbox or in our basement back in Northwood, and it was the most magical sound I've ever heard. I am optimistic we'll get more opportunities like that the longer we live here.
Kevin is busy with work and his calling. From driving kids to seminary and cultural celebration practices to working on papers and trying to make sense of data, he has plenty to do! (I should give more details, but they might be outside the scope of this blog.) Amidst all that he is super helpful at home (especially regarding the mice and my laptop) and is so fun with the boys. We keep each other giggling.
Every now and then we find a new hole with new droppings. We disinfect and clean and plug in that hole and set more traps, but so far we've haven't caught one that we know is there. Tricky little devil.
I have gotten accustomed to living in a war zone. Whereas we maybe wouldn't sweep every night, now it is a non negotiable. At night when we are sitting quietly and I hear sounds from the kitchen, no longer do we brush it off as just my imagination. And every night Kevin sets out the traps, even though we haven't caught a mouse in almost two weeks.
I still live in fear, but it is manageable. It mostly manifests itself in book choices.
I went to the library today, perusing the shelves for a chapter book to read to Joseph. I saw Stuart Little and thought, oh that would be fun!
Wait it's about a mouse. So I put it back.
Looked at the DVDs. There was Cinderella! That's a fun one!
Also involves mice. Secretly running the house.
Aristocats? There's a mouse.
I turn away from that section and get a few more books. Astonishingly, Chester's Way sneaks through my filter until much later and we check it out. Same with some Space Dog book that also has a mouse astronaut. A moustronaut.
We go home and I look again for chapter books to read. We had started Mouse and the Motorcycle a while ago, but banning that one is a no brainer. What was that bellboy thinking???
Matthew comes up to me with Goodnight Moon. I read it, but the whole time I frown at the young mouse making the rounds through the room. He's probably making messes everywhere! That is going to be no fun to clean up. And those two little kittens are not doing their job.
Maybe soon I will enjoy mouse-centric entertainment again. I mean, eventually we'll figure out the mouse problem.
But I will probably never watch Ratatouille again.
Crazy times this month! I feel like the world I was used to has gone upside-down, at least politically. Utah has become a unexpected battleground where people dear to me get phone calls from people worried that their souls are at stake if they don't vote for Trump. Strange alliances are made and familiar ones have been severed.
Meanwhile in Connecticut, I happened to talk to librarians who bemoan the state of affairs and wish they could just write someone in (cue mention of Evan McMullin). Definitely wasn't expecting that in one of the bluest states in the nation!
I think I'll just get the political stuff out of the way first.
Political
First off . . . here is my confession.
I read the Scott Adams blog. Have for about a year now. He's the kind of rational atheist man that believes that humans are just moist robots (that is, no free will) who never evolved enough to really come to terms with reality. Thus, we can be easily hypnotized and persuaded, and that's what this election is all about. (He's gone back and forth between endorsing Clinton and Trump but I think he wants Trump to win so his predictions will be right.)
Sometimes some of those arguments about humans not having free will are intellectually seductive, but I've come up with lots of rebuttals.
-People really do have free will. The reason we don't seem to see it much is because we are pretty good at handing our agency over to Satan. In The Peacegiver by James Ferrell he describes people as just walking like zombies wherever Satan wants because he's got them subtly wrapped up in flaxen cords. So yeah, people can be easily manipulated, but that's because of sin, not because of their innate nature.
-He attributes most feelings to our brain convincing ourselves of whatever rather than actual spiritual truth. That's frightening, isn't it -- that every time you "felt good" about something it wasn't the Spirit as much as it was just some deep recesses of your brain using confirmation bias or whatever. (And, honestly, when people get way into things like the "Shemitah" apocalyptic stuff last September or convincing themselves that God really approves of Trump's antics, it does make me shift uncomfortably in my seat, wondering how much inspiration is real inspiration from God).
But the great thing about revelation is that it rarely involves just yourself. You can trick yourself into thinking most anything -- but can you trick Sidney Rigdon into seeing the visions of glory with you? You can randomly start thinking about loved ones who passed away, but if other family members think about them the exact same time with the exact same imagery, how is that just self-hypnosis? If you spend all day thinking about someone you rarely think about and feeling really sad and then find out at the end of the day they just had yet another miscarriage, what explanation is there but the Holy Ghost?
No matter how hard it is for someone to believe in God because of a world that gets messed up by evil people and good-intentioned people who trick themselves into evil actions . . . there is still so much evidence for a loving God who cares about us and has us bump into each other so we can see His face more clearly.
Okay, that didn't end up all that political, but I feel like it's important to remember that God is at the helm . . . because it might not feel like He is as things get worse and worse. (at least polio is getting eradicated lots of places. They always bring that up when people say things are getting worse.)
Speaking of God being at the helm, this is a good video. Faith Trumps Fear
Was a Trump Server Communicating with Russia To be fair, sometimes I think my server is communicating with Russia. I mean, sometimes I have blog stats there (before my friends moved to Moldova, even), and something's been pinging my block for the past 5 months giving me 1000 new views every day.
But I don't think Donald Trump keeps a blog. Let's be serious -- he is proud that he doesn't read books. Why would he read blog posts longer than 140 characters?
At any rate, when people like to remind me that there is a 50% chance he appoints conservative judges (based on Reagan's, Bush's, and Bush's track record), I think . . . isn't that just what Trump is so great at? Making people gamble? And goodness sakes . . . if this article is true then he sure puts the Russian in Russian Roulette.
Utah is 2016's Strangest Swing State -- Regardless of what happens on election night, I will feel so much love for my home state if it doesn't go to Trump.
The Religious Right -- A Eulogy -- I definitely know some evangelicals who are just going to do a protest vote this year, and I think that's great. Generally, it looks like church-going evangelicals have been more likely to reject Trump from the beginning. But there are many different kinds of evangelicals in the country, and perhaps the ones who have made it into politics have drawn near to God with their mouths but have removed their hearts far from Him (see Isaiah 29:13). Hence this eulogy.
The Section Dedicated to J. D. Vance
Can I tell you another confession?
I've read a book by Charles Murray.
I didn't realize that was a bad thing until some friends started sharing the "are you in a bubble" quiz that he made. Their friends commented with all these articles quoting him saying some rather white supremacist things (the ties to eugenics bother me). It was kind of like, "oh. oops." The book I read(Coming Apart) didn't have any of that, but I understand a bit better why, for example, students at Yale complained about him coming. I mean, really, Yale students complain about everything. But I honestly do find him more problematic than I used to.
EDIT 3/27: I think this response by Murray is fair.
However, I am still grateful that I read his book because it opened my eyes to divisions in classes that I had never seen before. I suddenly cared about things that I hadn't before, and I was able to make my own conclusions. So, yay for free speech after all.
Where was I going with this? Well, there's a new guy in town saying similar stuff (without the objectionable parts, as far as I've seen). His name is J. D. Vance and he recently graduated from Yale Law. And I have no idea what the J. and the D. stand for. Maybe someone in the ward knows.
Anyway, he has a lot of interesting articles about the evangelicals who don't really go to church and who just have a rough life all around. All of them are worth a read!
And, that last article even has its own SNL skit! (mild language.)
Social
Faculty Gender Inbalance at BYU -- Okay, the comments are where the real value of the article is.
I had a big long blog post I wrote about this the day I read it, but it's just been sitting in drafts (ending with the phrase "But above all" and I don't know remember I was going with that haha). Here's a snippet:
One of the hardest parts of being a female engineering student was feeling like I got special treatment. There would be times after arguing back points on a test where I would wonder, did I get those points back because I made a convincing case or because I smiled a lot? Did people suggest I become a professor at BYU someday because of my brilliant and innovative contributions to research or because they (really really) wanted a woman on the faculty? In retrospect, perhaps people made comments like this in hopes of giving me confidence on a historically unequal playing field. But I felt like it mostly cheapened my accomplishments, and worse, it gave others permission to assume I had achieved what I had due to my gender.
Perhaps I'm unique in this, but any sort of brushes I had with sexism only fired me up. When I randomly decided to major in engineering and started hanging out in the Clyde Building, I was the subject of a few derogatory remarks from someone who thought I was only majoring in it for attention from the boys (and another who suggested I major in math ed instead). I responded by getting 100% on the first test. When a professor mocked my handwriting in front of the class (how could a girl have worse handwriting than the 3 other guys in the class, all of whom wrote in size 7 Courier font?), I had fire in my bones as I completed the next homework in exaggerated first-grade-teacher handwriting. When I heard awkward comments about my pregnancy, I spent the next four years making fun of those comments. (Okay. Maybe that wasn't the best response.) I absolutely think sexism is entirely inappropriate, but I could handle that a lot better than the feeling of special treatment.
There is something to be said for "seeing yourself" in your major, especially early on. It is a lot easier to feel like you belong somewhere when you have at least a few other people the same gender/race/religion/etc. as you. I am grateful that I usually had 1-3 other girls in my classes during undergrad. But, by the time I was the only girl in every single class during my masters, I didn't care anymore. I belonged on my own merits.
Anyway. Those are a few of my thoughts about obstacles to getting more women on the faculty at BYU. That article is more than a month old now so probably no one is that interested anymore.
But speaking of sexism, it sure has been getting lots of attention lately! That tape about Donald Trump unleashed all sorts of accusations. It's just like the mice hiding in our walls -- the more you look the more you find. ugh ugh ugh.
What Shouldn't Be Normal -- my wonderful cousin wrote about sexual harassment, including some of her experiences on her mission. It is mind boggling that so many women around the world deal with harassment and assault every day.
And, while we're on the topic . . . I am glad that the concept of consent is becoming more important, especially on college campuses, but I think there are still some situations where consent on its own is insufficient, where perhaps it's strange to even use the word.
Let me give an example. Here is a true story: there was an aspiring young actress back in the day who had the chance to land a major role in one of Hollywood's biggest films. All she had to do, according to those in the know, was sleep with the producer.
"I don't do that," she said.
"100 girls would feel lucky to have that opportunity," was the reply.
"Well I'm not one of them," is what she said in essence, and so she left Hollywood forever.
Let's think for a minute about those 100 girls. Suppose they did have and take the opportunity to sleep with the producer. Was there consent?
I don't think so. Sure, they said yes, and they might have enjoyed it, since there can be something very attractive about someone powerful paying attention to you. But that's the problem -- there was a power imbalance in the relationship. There was still the threat of losing one's job if she didn't do that. There was still coercion. Therefore, I really don't think there was consent, for if there are strings attached then it isn't a proper choice.
I guess what I'm saying is that, yes, if you have college kids getting drunk, absolutely they need to understand consent. But chastity and fidelity are ultimately the only concepts that will keep everyone safe.
And speaking of college . . .
My Halloween Email Led to a Campus Firestorm -- Good old Yale again. I have read several articles about this, including a recent one from the university president where he talked about the wonderful things that came from last year's controversy.
While he had some good points . . . I still side with Erika Christakis on this. This went far beyond a healthy dialogue. "Nearly a thousand students, faculty and deans called for my and my husband’s immediate removal from our jobs and campus home. Some demanded not only apologies for any unintended racial insensitivity (which we gladly offered) but also a complete disavowal of my ideas (which we did not) — as well as advance warning of my appearances in the dining hall so that students accusing me of fostering violence wouldn’t be disturbed by the sight of me."
I hate to say it, but situations like this are why so many people are fans of Trump. Sure, he's a bully who can't handle criticism, but at least he's a different kind of bully than the ones we're used to making every conservative keep their head down at work. A breath of fresh air, so to speak. (Manure air.)
The Power in Not Knowing -- this was a really interesting article in the BYU Magazine that I think was ultimately about humility.
Other saints have done what she did – found a religious order, work with the poor, lead a life of outstanding holiness. Many, many saints have done that. None of them, however, have done that without the benefit of a rich interior prayer life, which is what she had to confront in the last 50 years of her life.
So many good people say they never feel the Spirit, at least not directing their paths at all. To which I say, you are in good company!
Bound by Loving Ties -- Elder Holland talks about the importance of religion. He is so great.
The Hartford Temple -- It is such a beautiful temple! I'm so glad so many people got to visit it!
And lots of great conference talks and Ensign articles. And you should just go through the Mormon Newsroom news page -- I confess there's lots I have only seen news about, not perused myself (such as the new Mormon and Gay website, or the commemoration of the 175th anniversary of the dedication of Israel), but I will soon.
Berenstain Bears and the Parallel Universe -- I always wondered about those strange people who called them the BerenSTANE bears instead of BerenSTEEN. Clearly they were just living in an alternate universe. The right one. I guess. I'm still not sure.
Pete the Cat -- In case you're wondering why some of the books say "Eric Litwin" and others do not, here is the story of the author and illustrator.
On Drive and Contentment in Hamilton -- another nice article from James Goldberg. I think I identify most with Aaron Burr (minus when he acts like a villain) but I definitely feel the struggle to make "something that will outlive me" while at the same time just being present and loving the people closest to me the way I should.
And speaking of Hamilton . . .
I know, I know, the kid playing Hamilton is like 13. But Hamilton really was just 19 when this song was set, and Lin Manuel Miranda is in his 30s, so technically it makes more sense to cast him. You know you want to watch it. And the Schuyler Sisters one, too.
As for what I've been reading . . . I read Paco by Nathan Thatcher, and that was fun and fascinating. I reread a bit of Enchantment by Orson Scott Card until my dad borrowed it. Reread Yearning for the Living God which is always amazing. (Someday I will live in a place where I can borrow LDS books from the library. Until then our 4 or so LDS books will get lots of traction.) Read Letters of a Woman Homesteader for book club and it was delightful. Just read I am Malala and it was inspiring. I have been trying so so so hard to get a copy of Hamilton but the links were weird on the library website (seriously Michigan friends, you have no idea how good you have it with AADL), and now I have this book about the House of Morgan. I'm about 4 paragraphs through the prologue and haven't found any material yet to write a smash musical about, but there are more than 700 pages of material that might have potential. If I finish it. Which I probably won't.
(side note -- doesn't look like I read much about parenting or science lately. Maybe I did and just forgot. I guess this sort of fits both categories.)
When we moved to Connecticut, we were introduced to the term "leaf peeping," which is driving around in the fall looking at fall colors.
I had always enjoyed that in Utah and Michigan, and now it was fun to have a name attached.
When Kevin went back to Ann Arbor for a conference and Leslie came to keep me company, we decided that would be a fun activity.
My leaf peeping started as I picked her up from the airport. It was still early October, so not many leaves had changed, but the further north I went the better they became.
I got to airport arrivals and was almost immediately invited to leave by security, since no standing was allowed (is this a normal airport rule? I have never encountered it before). Twenty seven seconds later, as I was heading to a nearby parking lot, Leslie came out and obliged me by walking over to the parking lot that I paid $2.66 to be in for about 3 minutes. (Sometimes my complex reasoning skills take a nose dive when I'm somewhere unfamiliar.)
But none of the security guard's rudeness or money mattered now! Leslie was here, and the party was about to begin. She had transferred the "Jammin 5-a-day" music from a tape to her phone, so we rocked out to old classics such as "The Salad Sisters" and "B is for Banana" as we drove to the temple.
I'm going to talk more about the temple later, but I'll just say it was absolutely lovely and I was glad we got to see it.
After the tour, we grabbed a quick lunch and then began some serious leaf-peeping. I had stayed up way too late mapping out the driving routes which would be closest to peak this early in the month, and we followed them as best we could. Both boys nodded off so we were able to turn on Hamilton music to pass the time without queries as to when the Scripture Scouts and Raffi would be turned back on.
this . . . was way cooler in person. You know how it is
We drove and drove and drove all around the northwestern corner of Connecticut oohing and ahhing about the beautiful colors we saw. The best colors were on the freeways themselves -- no billboards or houses to get in the way of the grandeur of God flaming out in iridescent reds and oranges. It was fun to have Leslie along to validate my excitement and sing the lyrics I didn't know.
We spontaneously decided to go to a state park on the route back toward New Haven. There were two or so very long, windy miles that were made even longer by Matthew's never-ending screams. But once we got out he was fine.
Not too much in the way of fall colors yet (that's what Google images are for) but it was beautiful nonetheless.
Lake Waramaug
After a good little while there, we headed back to New Haven. After dinner and bedtime, I finally was introduced to Gilmore Girls. When you drive through Washington Depot, CT you can't help but feel a bit of an obligation to watch a show that was set there (renamed Stars Hollow). And it was good! Maybe I'll watch more of it sometime. When I have time. Which . . . I don't know how people have time to watch so many shows.
The next morning we walked downtown to the library. As we passed various Yale buildings, I recapped the history of controversies that took place there last year. "Any other questions?" I asked.
"I haven't asked any yet," she said with a laugh. Fair point.
After checking out a few more books and settling several railroad disputes (sharing is hard), we walked to the food trucks at the ice rink and got a huge helping of Thai food for a rather reasonable price. After naps, we headed to Joseph's favorite park, then home for dinner.
hi church!
All he ever wanted were her sunglasses.
The next morning, we reenacted history with a picture of her in a shirt she's brought each time she's visited us.
too lazy to find the other pictures. they look about like this.
Then we packed up and took her to the airport. Kevin was there waiting for us as we pulled up to departures so that I didn't have to go to arrivals and potentially see the impatient security guard (and also so that he and Leslie could say hello and good bye in passing).
Leaf peeping with Leslie had come to an end. It sure was fun while it lasted!
The week before my dad came, we had a wonderful visit from Kaylie and Derek. They seriously deserved a gold medal for their efforts to see us. They had already tried once the week before to come (mostly to see Leslie) but turned back as the ETA inched later and later as the traffic got worse and worse, to the point that they wouldn't have arrived until bedtime. Since I would have taken Leslie to the airport the next morning, it didn't make sense.
But fast forward a week, and they were on their way again! This time they were able to avoid the worst of rush hour and arrived in time for a late dinner that still tasted good despite the bit of ketchup in it.
After dinner, we played Codenames and then watched a bit of the BYU game. Not only were none of us wearing BYU colors, but 3 out of the 4 were wearing the colors of the opposing team! Most of us went to bed before the game was over, but not all. It certainly made for a more pleasant morning to have a win!
I actually have a maroon shirt that used to belong to Kaylie that I could have worn, but I felt like there was enough maroon in the house as it was.
After breakfast, we headed to the temple open house. All the little kids did pretty well, and it was fun to see details I hadn't the week before. It was also fun to see pictures from all sorts of family and friends who went the same day as us, even if we didn't see them there.
Freeways in fall are on fleek
We then headed up to Talcott Mountain State Park for a hike! I was so excited about this. Even if it was just a Connecticut mountain, it was nonetheless a mountain, and I hadn't climbed one of these since Mount Timpanogos more than 5 years ago. The 20 minute drive there from the temple was a glorious drive through walls of red and orange trees under a bright blue sky.
Despite seeing a large portion of Hartford's cars parked along the road, we had lucky enough timing to park both cars in the parking lot (along with some cars with Utah license plates . . . Turns out some BYU friends were there too, though we didn't figure it out until we were on Facebook that night). After lunch, we began our climb. We figured Joseph would be more amenable to the hike if he wasn't actually doing it, so while Derek and Kevin carried the toddlers in backpacks, Kaylie and I pushed her jogging stroller up the steepest, rockiest stretch of the hike, all the while hearing Joseph protest that he didn't want to be in a forest. That all changed when we got to the first scenic overlook.
A (slightly filtered) picture of what we saw. It looked more like this in person than the non-filtered ones, actually.
Right after this picture we all took off our jackets -- we didn't need them anymore!
he was never in danger of falling
After admiring that first view of the valley for a bit, we continued on. Joseph was a lot more interested in walking (there were hiking sticks to gather) which slowed us down but made it more pleasant. We alternated between being surrounded by beautiful trees and having a view of the valley, and it was just about perfect. Exclamations from Kaylie about how amazing this was and announcements from Joseph about how much he loved hiking only confirmed that this was the most perfect fall outing.
*
Matthew loved the baby carrier the Paulsons brought, and I didn't mind carrying him in it, too. Are we going to be baby wearing people after all?
When we reached the top, we heard old men singing "West Virginia" by John Denver with an accordion. We were also treated to "Ring of Fire" and other old tunes while we were up there. Turns out we had come the day of some kind of festival going on there at the top, complete with all sorts of concession stands. I feel like those are a bit easier to haul up a Connecticut mountain (1.25 miles each way) than a Utah mountain. We decided to not go to the top of the tower (thank goodness for Facebook friends who do so you can live vicariously through them). The walk down was fast and fun, and when we offered Joseph another ride in the stroller he told us that "hiking is funner." Wins all around.
Can you spot the accordion?
Just such a lovely day, especially looking up.
Back at home, the kids played while we figured out that we didn't want to cook. We drove through the castle-y part of New Haven (i.e. Yale) to get there. The choice for Joseph was clear -- he would get a quesadilla. If we had thought a little bit beforehand, we would have brought one from home -- it would have cost pennies, and we would have been sure he would eat it.
Instead . . . well, I now call the money you spend on a kid's quesadilla the "kid fee." You pay it not because you think your kid will actually eat it, but so that you don't feel guilty about the performances your kids put on. (You shouldn't feel guilty anyway, especially when they're this cute.)
After dinner, they felt it was in their best interests to abandon us. So off they went back to New Jersey. Even if it was short, we're so glad they came!
