All the posts we cannot see

If you've wanted to hear about my life lately, this blog has not been the place to look. Here are things I should probably catch up on:

• Our crazy fun trip to Utah and all the cool things we did and all the great pictures we took. (I talked about it a little, but not comprehensively.)
• Kevin's trip to China and the 8 subsequent days I spent parenting on my own. It mostly went fine. (Best thing I did: salsa, beans, and chicken in the crockpot. Leftovers for days. Dumbest thing I did: breaking my cell phone screen Sunday night right before I was going to transfer pictures onto the computer for the first time. [and it's still not fixed!!!!] Saddest thing I did: showing up 12 minutes late to the ward Easter egg hunt. It had a happy ending, but still. Tenderest mercy: not catching either of Joseph's or Matthew's colds.)
• All the stuff that's been breaking. Like the dead chipmunk in our dryer. Or my phone. Or the cupboard door that broke off when I opened it to get a bib out.
• How many of Matthew's and Joseph's socks we've misplaced, and the great lengths I've gone to to find them. (I have found 3 so far.) Joseph pointed out today that the flag pin I made back in September 2001 isn't in its usual spot. The last place we remembered seeing it was on his shirt right before he threw up several weeks ago, so that's another mystery.
• All our bouts with norovirus and rhinovirus.
• All the fun things we did this winter when we weren't sick.
• Christmas.
• Easter.
• For that matter, I never did blog about when our parents came in September and October of last year. (I'll probably blog about that next October, just like I blogged last October about the October before that.)
• All of Matthew's new tricks.
• All of Joseph's new tricks.

But am I going to blog about any of these fun things tonight?

I'll let Matthew answer that for you.

Articles February-March

So, I read a lot. Not as many books as I would hope, but lots of articles. Since I do that a lot, I thought it would be fun to start a thing on my blog where I share some of what I read every now and then.

(And yes, I know it's a lot of articles. I know I could have finished Middlemarch by now if I read that instead of articles. And probably even Wheel of Time.)

Religious/Spiritual

Primary: Perpetual Motion Meets Immovable Object
Just a fun little post from Middleaged Mormon Man. I think I liked it because I teach Primary now (even though my class is not rambunctious).

When God Doesn't Show Up
You might have seen this making the rounds. It's great.

God of the Depressed
This is by the recently-deceased Stephen Webb. I had just begun to recognize his name when he suddenly passed away. (Fun fact: he wrote an article once about how Christ-centered the Book of Mormon is, but he made the mistake of saying we believe Christ was born in Jerusalem, not Bethlehem. My dad emailed him correcting him. A few years later that article made the rounds again and the mistake was still there. Ah well. Still a really, really great guy, and I really appreciate the efforts he made to understand Mormon theology.)

Godbodied -- Matter of the Latter-Day Saints
Another one by Stephen Webb from a few years ago. This was pretty deep, so I skimmed a lot of it, but it gave me lots to think about.

Home/Family

Some Babies Are Just Easier Than Others
Okay, the title is obvious, but sometimes it's nice to remember that. I salute everyone who rarely gets a good night's sleep.

Love and Sparks
Some people love instantly, and some don't. Both are good, and both are real.

Grocery Shopping Mom Hacks
The twist-tie thing is real, guys.

Tidying Up With Kids
Good reminders in here.

Business and Technology

Deep Learning is Going to Teach Us All the Lesson of Our Lives
Artificial Intelligence just beat the game "Go." This is huge, and there are big implications.

Such as . . .

Manufacturing Jobs Are Never Coming Back
How could they? What are we going to have instead?

If "jobs are for machines" and "life is for people," as the Deep Learning article suggests, what does that say about Adam eating by the sweat of his brow (Genesis 3:19)? Is this an effect of the Fall that we want to overcome? I've seen WALL-E enough times to say that jobs should be for people, too. (And speaking of effects of the Fall, I just realized the first effect had to do with Eve being ruled over by her husband (see verse 16). That's given me a lot to chew on, but that's a discussion for another time.)

And speaking of Eve . . .

Art

Mormon painting of a Black Eve draws fire
(note: this is a painting with the dress standards of the Garden of Eden of course, so be aware of that before you click.) I've gone back and forth on how I feel about this. At any rate, it has been good really digging down and trying to understand where someone is coming from on why they might be offended. It's also made me wonder -- does art need to be presented from a self-reflective context? (That is, should you only paint what you yourself have experienced when it comes to race, gender, culture, etc.? I feel like the answer is no, but at the same time it is easier to caricature something you
haven't lived.)

And on the opposite end of being sensitive . . .

Politics

Most political articles just depress me nowadays (my goodness there is sure a lousy candidate running for president . . . and he has been saying awful things longer than I've been alive), but I liked this.

https://twitter.com/kylo_trump?lang=en

And I think I'll leave it at that. (In other words, I just deleted my soapbox.)

Happy reading!

Church Music Festival

As I briefly mentioned before, while I was in Utah, I had the opportunity to attend the Church Music Festival on Temple Square.

So, if you recall, way back in November 2014, my ward choir performed a hymn I wrote. I decided to submit a simpler version of it to the church music contest last March. (Why simpler? 1. I had written the choral part and the organ part separately, and at the time it seemed hard to combine them without making a song that was a unwieldy 15 pages long, 2. I had spent so long tweaking the first line that I was burned out from looking at it anymore, and 3. I wanted it to be short and compact enough to maybe end up in the Ensign someday. A girl can dream.)

I submitted it, and on the 4th of July, I found out it had gotten Special Recognition! In November, I received an invitation to hear it performed in the February Church Music Festival. Since we didn't go home for Christmas and it aligned pretty well with Kevin's spring break, we decided to plan a trip at a time that we could attend.

So, on the afternoon of the 26th, we drove up to Salt Lake for a dinner and a concert. After we dropped Joseph and Matthew off with family, Kevin and I headed up to the second floor of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building for a fancy dinner that consisted half of composers and half of Priesthood and Family employees (most of them in the music department). After the dinner, we headed to the Assembly Hall for the concert. The Salt Lake Institute Singers performed 20 of the winning pieces, including mine. Following the concert, I met up with family and chatted for a bit.

That's the basic version of the evening. There was a lot about the evening that made me really happy, and a lot that I learned.

First, here's what made me happy:

• The choir! Oh, that was a talented, beautiful choir. Twenty songs is a lot to learn, and they had most of them memorized. The accompaniment was incredible, the instrumental solos were lovely, and it was just all around a great concert. Now that I know what a great concert it is, I would go each year even if I had no personal connection to it.
• The songs! There were so many gorgeous, well-crafted songs that night. They were recording the concert so we had no applause between numbers, but there were many, many times when I wanted to. I also wished there was a way to send all the sheet music to all the ward choir directors in the world so they could have this great material to work with.
• They said my name right! There were two times that night when my heart started racing. One was about a minute before my song, and the other was right before the director said my name. I shouldn't have worried too much because they emailed asking how to say it, but it still was a major relief.
• Winning! I mean, I only got an honorable mention of sorts, but it still felt really good (especially when I heard that the number of submissions was somewhere between 600 and 1000 across 8 categories). The members of the music committee did a really good job of making us all feel like winners, which was nice.
• Seeing my family! There are times when I really want to be famous -- when I want real musicians to notice me or lots of people to watch my YouTube channel. But then, seeing siblings and friends and parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles filling up a section of the Assembly Hall to support me (and others saying they'd make it if they could) -- it means a lot more than a few dozen more views on a video. So thanks, everyone!
• My kids were good during the concert! I had asked if they could attend because it would make the babysitting situation easier, and they did great! The joke is, there was another child there that sounded enough like Matthew to make me fret from the beginning of my song til the end of the concert, but once I found out it wasn't him, it was such a relief. It was neat to share this experience with them, even if they don't remember it.

There was also a lot I learned both over the course of the evening and in the days since. A lot of what I learned was articulated by Sally DeFord, who was one of the composers with winning pieces and the keynote speaker. (As a side note, when I first submitted songs to the contest, I said, "I will probably lose to either Janice Kapp Perry or Sally DeFord" . . . and I was right! I had also submitted my arrangement of "Come, Ye Disconsolate" in the Relief Society Category, and it hadn't placed, but hers had. No hard feelings.) (As another side note, on the drive to Salt Lake, I said, "I bet Sally DeFord is tired of going to these dinners, so she probably won't make the trip" . . . and I was wrong! So, I was 1 for 2.) I was able to obtain a copy of her talk, so I'll quote some of it here.

One thing that has been hard with sharing my music is sharing imperfections with so many people. On the drive to Salt Lake, I said to Kevin, "You know what? I still don't like the title." There are lines in the hymn that aren't quite right. There are words that don't fit just right. The whole process made me feel incredibly vulnerable.

So I liked what Sally said about that. "[I]f your hands and your heart are willing, the Lord will lead you to the right places and the right people—the ones who will be blessed as you use the gifts He has given you, and it won't matter that your creations aren't perfect. His grace is certainly sufficient for
that."

Another thing she spoke about was criticism. She asked, "Isn't it amazing how one critical voice can drown out all the others?"

I think I know why that's the case. For some reason, criticism is seen as something that only the elite can do. The uneducated masses, they're the ones who have the audacity to enjoy food, music, or movies. But those of us who know better can find everything wrong. When critics clearly have such superior intellect, who wouldn't respect the opinion of a critic more than the opinion of a fan?

But there's a flaw in this argument. We live in the "age of the gifted pickle sucker," to quote President Gordon B. Hinckley. It is a lot easier to tear down than lift up, as anyone who has read YouTube comments can testify. Thus, the voice of a critic really isn't as enlightened as we might fool ourselves into thinking. We can, and must believe the voices who see the good rather than the flaws. They are the ones with a proper perspective.

And of course, the one with the best perspective is the Lord Himself. And He's going to be the kindest, most validating audience of all! As Sally said, "The Lord said that He delights in the song of the heart. He didn't say the flawless song of the heart. You take paper and ink and you write your heart into the lines, and the Lord delights in it. That is, perhaps, the best reward of all—to know that what you do not only teaches and inspires and uplifts His children, but delights His very soul. What a wonderful gift to give back to the Creator who has given us all we have."

Overall, this has been a humbling, enlightening experience. I am grateful for this chance I've had to share a bit of my soul with others, and grateful for the kindness I've received in return.

Kin Keeping in Utah

We recently got back from a two week trip to Utah. While late February/early March is not a typical time to visit Utah (well, except for all the other passengers with ski-shaped luggage), we decided to go then for a few reasons. It lined up well with Kevin's spring break and potential job-interview season (which is what we were planning when we got the tickets, though we're not going that route right now . . . more on that later). Also, since I found out my song was going to be performed on Temple Square during that time (lots more on that later), well, we decided to go!

When we go to Utah, I usually like to use it for a bit of "kin-keeping" to catch up with friends and family. This time was no exception, and before we went I created a detailed itinerary of who we'd see and when. I sent texts, emails, and Facebook posts left and right to make sure we didn't miss anyone.

We did miss plenty of people, of course. There were some people I never heard back from, some who I didn't think to reach out to in time, and some who I only got to see briefly. There were kids with ear infections and kids with fevers and kids with stomach bugs that shouldn't be sharing germs, so we missed a few friends here and there.

But overall, we saw a lot of people.

To be honest, I sort of felt like a woman living during the Regency era who spent all her time visiting people, such as Elizabeth Bennet or Anne Elliott. It was more exhausting than I usually give credit for when I read such books, and I could see how it could become a full-time job.

I mean, even with all the people I didn't see, there were still high school friends, college friends, my mom's side of the family, my dad's side of the family, Kevin's high school friends, Kevin's siblings, my siblings, and more. Each time, we'd catch up, talk about future plans, discuss children, discuss friends or family that weren't there, and so on.

The joke is, I am not a fan of those kinds of conversations these days. I told Kevin about a month ago before a social gathering that he was not allowed to talk about post docs or machine learning that night because I was sick of that being the focus of every conversation. (As it turned out, that was the first question people asked him when we sat down.) He has likewise told me that he gets bored in conversations where people talk about people he doesn't know (which happens more than to him than to me). So there were times when it was hard. When I was with friends talking about jobs and grad school and whatnot, I just wanted to blurt out, "How about we just play psychiatrist or fruit basket right now?" (I didn't, but maybe I should have.)

And perhaps that is the most exhausting part of kin-keeping -- to work to maintain important relationships even when they don't seem as fun as they used to. I admit at times to being drained by this work, even when it doesn't involve face-to-face conversations. I have gone through internal struggles like, "Oh. I better text so-and-so to wish her child happy birthday. Too late to get a present now. They always send a present for my kids. Is texting too lame to even bother doing?" I have struggled to make thank you notes meaningful, even when we have substantive things to say to each other. I sometimes think of my bishop my sophomore year, asking me in our first interview if "is it possible to have too many friends?" I said "yes" emphatically then, and even though it was technically the wrong answer at the time, I still agree with it.

So was it worth it? Even though it was exhausting, I think it was. It was great to see Joseph playing with his cousins and my cousins (girls, no less!) and forming friendships there. It was fun to see Kevin invigorated after spending an evening with his high school friend that I had gently pestered him to contact. It was satisfying to have real conversations with friends after the "current and future plans" conversations, to hear their funny stories and opinions. And even those times when we didn't make it past the "future plans" conversations, it just felt good to see people's faces again and hear their voices again. And of course, it was magical to spend so much time with immediate family and see Joseph and Matthew get to know grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

So I guess I'll keep up the kin-keeping.

Although, I might plan it a little better next time. Just so Joseph doesn't have to tell me that he's tired of being in the car so much.

Stuffed Animals

A few years ago, Leslie forwarded me something our mom forwarded to her from her journal. This journal entry was from when Leslie was just a few months away from turning 4 (in fact, she was the exact same age Joseph is now).

And it was darling. She talked about how Leslie loved her friends, how expansive her vocabulary was, and how much she loved Sunbeams.

But my favorite part was where she listed Leslie's dolls named Kara, Tessa, Pessa, Kessa, and Courtney-tight.

Although you shouldn't make comparisons of any kind, I was curious for a few years if Joseph would name his stuffed animals the same way.

After all, there is no doubt that he loves them.

He wanted to be sure they would not be left behind on our move across Northwood

This was Noah's ark

I believe they are playing Chutes and Ladders in this picture.

But for all the love he had, he hadn't done much in the way of naming them.

"What's your bear named?"

"Um, Bear."

"What's your elephant named?"

"Elephant."

"What's your meerkat named?"

"Meerkat."

The closest we got was with a dog he christened "Puppy."

But then something changed. We asked him what his bear was named, and he said "Gurold." And it stuck! When we asked him other animals' names, he would say something random, but at least they had names.

After a few months of trying different names out, I think this is where we have converged.

The bear is named Gurold. (Or maybe grrr-old.)

The tiger is named Purr-old.

The dog is named Fur-old.

The meerkat is named Mur-old.

And the elephant is Gerald. (Thank you, Mo Willems.)

As far as I know, Leslie no longer plays with Kessa, Pessa, Tessa, or Courtney-Tight. So Joseph will also outgrow his animals someday, too.

When that day comes, it will be fun to see what Matthew chooses to name them.