What's in a name?

The other day, I was looking at the ward directory and noticed something that caught my eye. I thought to myself, "Hey, this is probably a cool person!" Then I thought about it and realized I had come to this conclusion primarily based on her area code.

What this means, obviously, is that I would never make a good NBA referee because I would probably determine fouls based on if the player's jersey had a prime number or not, but that's kind of beside the point. The main thing is, it got me thinking about other times where I unconsciously decide to like someone based only on things that might show up in a ward directory. Here are some examples of people I might be predisposed to like:

• Someone whose phone number has the same area code as mine. I'm telling ya, growing up an outsider of the Wasatch Front, complete with getting the shaft from the 801 area code, has created some serious solidarity with 435-ers. Even the ones from St. George.
• Someone whose first name or middle name is the same as my middle name (Michelle). It's kinda like this.
• But not, interestingly, someone whose first name is the same as mine. Usually when I see that, my initial reaction is, "They probably pronounce it the other way." Except for Kyra Sedgewick, who also married a Kevin and kept her last name.
• Someone whose name is probably spelled wrong or pronounced wrong frequently. Within reason. I'm talking about the occasional "y" instead of "i" or "i" instead of "e." Not like La-a (pronounced ladasha).
• Someone born the same month as me. Spring is the best.

Have you noticed any weird details that make you predisposed to like a person before you even meet them?

Chicken Pot Pie

Well, Joseph is still napping and I have nothing pressing to do (amazing!), so I think I'm going to share a recipe!

My awesome friend Camilla is also an awesome cook, and I like to look at her blog for new ideas. When she posted this chicken pot pie recipe, I knew I had to try it immediately, even though I had never made a pie crust before.

Guys, this is the best comfort food ever. I never knew what chicken pot pie was until I made this.

Here is the recipe. Enjoy!

Checking In

 My mom sent a bunch of pictures from her camera which were taken while our camera was hibernating. So, here are some more pictures of Christmas!

The surprise waiting for my brother Spencer when he came home from school

Cute boys

He loves this hat!

He loves the sink so much. I think we left him in here for like an hour, even with clothes on.

And then, once we got our camera in the mail, I spent the next little while trying to capture Joseph's funny faces. It's hard work!

And, here are brief updates on how we all are doing:

Kevin: He's doing great. He found out February 3rd that he had until the 14th to submit a paper to a conference. Luckily, he had most everything ready, but he still had a lot of processing and revising to do. He made the deadline, and we hope it works out! He was kind enough to go swing dancing with me on Valentine's even though it meant he had to stay up late to finish his paper. Also he just made a yummy dinner tonight while I was conked out on the couch in a long, weird nap that I don't really think I needed. Basically, he is the best.

Joseph: He is also the best. I said to Kevin last night that I really didn't want him growing any older. He communicates well enough for my liking right now. He is pleasant. He plays well with other kids and especially well with his stuffed animals (he treats them like they were his younger siblings). He almost always sleeps through the night. There isn't anything right now that I get annoyed by on a daily basis like there used to be (sticking things in his mouth, for example). I said to Kevin, the one thing I wish was that he ate more than grains, dairy, and fruit. And then, lo and behold, tonight he ate tons of the pork and tons of the broccoli! So now I guess we just need to enjoy these halcyon days of youth before the potty training and scribbling in books and tantrums really start.

Kyra: I'm doing great most of the time. And I guess the real reason I don't want Joseph growing any older is that I still want a baby around. I keep mentally going through all the hard things about having a baby, especially a newborn around, and then I think, "Yeah. I still want one. Right this minute." So the fact that the next one is probably more than a year away rather than less than seven months away is a little hard at times. Don't get me wrong -- most of the time I still feel really, really happy. But then I say something like "Wait" to Joseph and the idea of waiting gets me crying too. Or I start singing "I'm peanut butter and you are jelly" while making a sandwich for him and start sobbing. (I didn't realize that song was such a tear jerker.) Or the time last Sunday when I realized I totally forgot to go to a meeting -- I don't usually get quite so lachrymose about things like that. But I think these feelings are pretty normal, and the sudden tears will probably diminish as time goes on. In the meantime, hey, at least I have the energy to keep the house clean again!

Overall, life is good, and we are getting so excited for spring! It's going to get above 40 this week, so we might have swimming pictures up next week on the blog. Or not.

Sweet Potato Tacos

So, for the past few months, I've been thinking I ought to make my blog more useful. I've been trying to think of pieces of advice I could pass along (things like putting saran wrap over your cups before you use shortening to make cleanup easier, or spreading your food to the edge of the plate to heat more evenly in the microwave), but I didn't know if I had enough little pieces of advice like that.

But I have plenty of recipes. So I'm going to share them. One at a time. Starting now.

Tonight, we ate sweet potato tacos and it was better than I remembered. We first tried them at a dinner group almost a year ago and were pleasantly surprised by how something vegetarian could be so tasty and filling. Now, to tell the truth, when we make it we still cook ground beef because we like meat, but it's nice that the meat is able to go further thanks to the sweet potatoes and beans.

Here is a link to the recipe we use. I imagine there are dozens of similar recipes out there. We tend to like a little bit more seasoning, but this is a good base.

(insert gorgeous Instagram picture of our amazing tacos tonight. Who am I kidding even if I had instagram my food would like Martha Stewart's)

Best part is, even if you don't like sweet potatoes, you will probably like this! And if you don't, at least you got one bite's worth of beta carotene.

Biased

There's no denying it -- we're pretty biased people.

Kevin believes that everyone should major in electrical engineering -- particularly those currently in mechanical engineering. Of course, as he was informed on Facebook today, he's biased.

Similarly, I believe that every one should like math, especially number theory. Of course, I'm biased.

And we think that Joseph is the cutest, funniest, smartest little guy ever and that everyone ever should watch every movie we ever post of him. Of course, we're biased.

And, well, we're giving you yet another chance today!

(As a side note . . . isn't it funny how differently Kevin and I play with Joseph? I guess dads really do like roughhousing better and moms usually don't.)

Ten Pictures of Christmas

Ha. We're a quarter of the way through February and I've totally forgotten to say anything about Christmas.

Well, it was awesome. It was weird being away from my own home for three weeks, but we got used to it. Free food helps with that.

As far as actual details for what we did, I can't honestly remember too much. Joseph and I went out a few days before Kevin, and traveling alone with a toddler ended up being quite a bit of fun. Went shopping a fair amount. Played in the snow some. Played games. Sang songs. Opened presents. The usual.

The best part was getting to see Joseph interact with family members. We had enough time at each house for him to become really comfortable with all his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. So that's mostly what we got pictures of.

The marbles were a huge hit at my parents' house. It is so nice that he doesn't stick things in his mouth anymore.

He warmed up to his uncle Spencer immediately. I don't remember how much he liked the snow though.

He finally got to meet his cousin Fiona in person! She's six months younger than him and an absolute doll. Wish we lived closer!

I think he and the bear have the same expression.

Livin' the good life.

 

Fiona and Joseph loved the piano! (I wish we had pictures of Joseph with his other cousins . . . he loved coaxing them to play with him even though they're 4-11 years older than him. They were so nice to play with a giggly boy so much.)

Compare this picture to the one below.

Now I know what Joseph will look like in 5 years! I had so much fun going through old Moon family photos. 

He was very excited to help clean the tub with lots of bubbles.

 

Unfortunately, we didn't really get pictures the second week because the camera vanished into a never-used purse. But we did catch this blurry boy in action! He loved carrying the Jenga bucket around like this as well as destroying any semblance of a tower that we tried to make with the Jenga blocks.

And . . . that was our Christmas break!

Brownies and Twizzlers

So far, February has been better.

Not, of course, that January was as bad as I made it out to be. Yes, everything I mentioned in that blog post happened (as well as plenty of things that didn't fit in the chiasmatic structure well enough because they only happened once). It was cold and dreary and arctic and sickness-filled. But I didn't really go around most days saying "woe is me!" We had lots of fun inside making playgrounds and forts and having tea parties with stuffed animals and watching tons and tons of Mr. Rogers. (If you look carefully at the chiasmus, it actually is centered on Mr. Rogers. I have a lot to say about that show. He'll probably get his own blog post.) We went to the botanical gardens for the first time, which was really fun. I went to a great fireside. Even when I had colds, I was able to stay cheerful most of the time.

And I think February will be the same way. On Friday (the last day of January), I cried, and cried, and cried when I heard that I had probably miscarried at the beginning of the month and had been carrying a sac of nothing around for weeks and would have to get it out of my body somehow. And after all that crying, I got a huge headache! It reminded me of the quote by Sister Hinckley (and I checked . . . she actually did say this one): "The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

Something in that quote really stuck with me, and I think my subconscious determined that if there was any way I could ever laugh about something instead of cry about it through this whole ordeal, I would do that instead. Because crying did give me a headache.

And so, this month, I've looked at life with sort of a grim sense of humor, an amused "how much can life throw at me?" sort of attitude. So far, I've endured hosting one baby shower (with still more to plan), hearing about the births of 5 babies, cramping, back pain, getting my blood drawn the second week in a row, wincing through invasive procedures at the doctor's appointment, filling out depression screening surveys with questions such as "in the last week, have you found yourself crying a lot more than usual?" (I actually didn't complete the survey because I did not feel like the last week was particularly representative of my life), scraping ice off the car for several minutes in single-digit temperatures, the worst period of my life (I'll leave out the sordid details), still dreaming about the baby kicking (a cruel dream I've had since the summer), living in a house I haven't had the energy to clean, spending 5 hours grading proofs written up by engineers, driving to a dentist appointment on the worst snowy roads of my life, getting stuck trying to get back into a parking spot at my apartment, and the list could go on and on and on.

But here's the thing! It doesn't have to! I've been able to laugh, or at least smile, at every single one of those things on the list, because that's not really what life is right now.

What life has really been is a collection of kind people, happy circumstances, and (yes, I'm going to use this phrase) tender mercies. It's been me being able to get past the fact that we've been trying to have a baby since June and enjoy who and what we have right now. So far, the primary feeling I've had is one of gratitude.

I'm grateful that I have been able to talk about this. I really did hesitate sharing my "Chiasmus" post because I knew it was wordy and depressing. But somehow, sending it into the void has been cathartic.

I'm grateful that people took the time to read it, and I'm especially grateful for the ones who ran and gave me brownies.

I'm grateful that we have a powerful water heater, because I have taken so many (disgusting) showers lately and it has been so nice to just sit there.

I'm grateful for the people in my ward who have come to my aid, watching Joseph all day, bringing us dinner, bringing the people we were supposed to take dinner to their dinner instead of us, and replenishing my stock of brownies and Twizzlers because I had just run out of both. (I should be naming names, but I don't want to embarrass them.) And you know what? I'm also grateful that I was able to get over myself and ask for this help.

I'm grateful for Kevin, who has not only been my emotional support through this (and all the months before), but has stepped up in all other areas. He makes a mean curry, guys. Also, I promise I will wash dishes again someday.

I'm grateful for gchat, so I can provide minute-to-minute updates on everything I've been feeling to my mom and sisters and Kevin. I've probably sounded kind of whiny, but it's been good to get it out of my system.

I'm grateful that Ting is cheap because we are probably going to go over the 500 minutes bucket this month.

I'm grateful that I found a really good deal on jeans at Christmastime and bought three pairs, because I didn't really have any I liked until then. Back then, I felt kind of stupid because I was pretty sure I would be wearing maternity pants before too long, but now it's just really nice to have some that fit.

I'm grateful that I helped host a baby shower on Saturday, because it was sort of like baptism by immersion into the reality that I am surrounded by pregnancy and babies. And to help celebrate such a happy event was cathartic in many ways. I won't deny that there were a few times where I felt like crying, but overall it brought me a great deal of peace.

I'm grateful that Joseph has let me read so many stories to him. To be honest, the past few days, we've been on sort of different schedules when it comes to spending time together -- he hasn't been too excited to see me when I've gotten him from babysitters whereas all I want is for him to run and hug me, but he's also been incredibly clingy when I've needed to be by myself upstairs for a few minutes. But then there are those times where he just lets me sit and read to him, and my heart is satisfied.

And most of all? I'm grateful that I'm happy. I am handling this a lot better than I expected, and I know that not everyone is so lucky. But it's been a good reminder that when I'm not waiting around for un-self-initiated playdates, I really am a happy person! I really can choose my outlook on life regardless of outside events. I really can ask others for help, and they will always do whatever they can.

Life is good.

Finally!

Something in the cold air has finally thawed my creative juices (don't think too hard about that metaphor), and I have finally gotten back into writing music! School and babies can get in the way of such things, so it was exciting to get some of it back. In early December, I started writing a song based on this awesome quote from President Monson given at my convocation:

"God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged, the forests unfelled and the cities unbuilt. God gives to us the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved, that we might know the joys and glories of creation."

Then, the other night, I suddenly started planning all the songs to go in my Freshman Ward Musical. At this point, I doubt I would ever finish this, but it was fun thinking of which songs could go where (even the creation song above fits in pretty nicely), and trying to remember the songs I wrote in the margins of my Theory of Analysis notebook when I got tired of adding zero to complete proofs (goodness was that really 5 years ago).

Then, last Sunday, out of nowhere, I came up with a new melody for "This Is My Beloved Son," because sometimes I don't like some of the melodies in the Children's Songbook. Then I realized that it might be possible to combine that with "He Sent His Son." It's not a perfect fit yet, but I totally call dibs on it.

And with all of this music floating around, I desperately wanted a way to share it. I had originally wanted to share things directly on my blog, but Blogger doesn't upload pdfs, so there went that idea for a few years. Then, the other day, it hit me! Dropbox!

Oh, please tell me you all have Dropbox. If not I can put things in Google Drive for you easy-peasy. But Dropbox just seemed so sleek at the moment.

Anyway, here's the link!!!

Now, for a couple disclaimers.

1. A lot of times, I am lazy, so I have left off who actually wrote the song. If anyone actually wants to use an arrangement and I don't have all the proper information, let me know so I can send a more legally correct version for you to work with. Otherwise, since I am lazy, I will leave things as they are.

2. A lot of these are boring. I showed some to Leslie, and she astutely noted, "It looks like you just copied this straight from the Children's Songbook with your own transition." That is exactly what that stake in Lindon asked for, so that is exactly what they got. That is the only reason it is transcribed. (And since the songs are publicly available on music.lds.org, I feel okay sharing them again.)

If you don't have Dropbox and want to know what's in here, or if you just want more descriptions, here's what I have so far in alphabetical order.

disconsolate-- This is my arrangement of Hymn #115 in the LDS hymnbook, "Come Ye Disconsolate." Intended for a soprano, or maybe a soprano for the first verse,  soprano/alto duet for the second, and alto for the third. Or, if a soprano wants to sing the whole thing, I can fix the third verse to be higher. Lots of arpeggios, and a slightly prettier melody than the one in the hymnbook. (And yes, all the similarities to "Where Can I Turn For Peace" are intentional. It's poetic.)

Floods_Came_Up -- one of the better mashups from my "Modern Meets Mormon" CD which only my Aunt Becca bought. Here's me playing it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ_Ljn4PeuM

mediocrity -- This one is still kind of my baby. It's the classic small fish in a big pond song, so I think even non-BYU students should appreciate it.

New! nocturne -- I wrote this when I was 18 and romantic. It has a strong beginning, but I didn't know what to do with it except take it around the circle of fifths. Perhaps someday I'll use the beginning for a different piece. Note: Since I don't have them written, feel free to insert your own dynamics. Play it as rubato as you can (but not too slowly still).

searchponder -- Okay, this one is boring. My contribution is making a fairly smooth transition between "Search, Ponder, and Pray" and "I'll Seek the Lord Early." And I suppose they're in the same key now.

sentSon -- Again, pretty boring. (I transcribe the boring ones because they're so much easier!) The cool thing I did when I transcribed this for ward choir was add harmony. The piano part is essentially the same as in the songbook, so I started to leave it off even though it comes back in with "What does the Father ask of us."

So, that's what's in there right now. If you are patient, I might get around to transcribing musical numbers, choir numbers, and songs from my YouTube Channel.  Any requests?

The Parable in Frozen

During Christmas break, I had the chance to see Frozen. As far as Disney flicks go, this was pretty good. Many of the songs were catchy, the animation was gorgeous, and I was able to set aside my issues with pacing and development until the show was done. (Although, I do have to say, those trolls singing the fixer-upper song sure were annoying, especially because Anna needed help, not a musical number!)

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There was one thing that really surprised me about the movie -- Elsa did nothing to save the day! If Anna had been a prince instead of her sister, then this would have been a typical damsel in distress story where the knight in shining armor swoops in and saves everything.

As I thought about it, I realized that I appreciated it more this way because it was a story about sacrifice rather than good ol' teamwork. Although I doubt this was intentional, I was really struck by how this was a parable of the Atonement, with Elsa representing us and Anna representing Christ.

Though we are born sinless, we are also born weak, susceptible to different temptations. What's more, we all born with personality traits that can be used for good or ill. As we saw at the beginning, Elsa's abilities were not innately evil. However, because Elsa used her powers in sin -- right after she had humiliated and rejected her younger sister -- they became a vice and a heavy burden.

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The song "Let It Go" was very interesting for this reason. I wanted to root for Elsa, I really did. Her staircases, chandeliers, and palace were so gorgeous. But I couldn't forget that her powers were also dangerous and destructive, and that people were hurting because of her. Did she want them to hurt? Absolutely not! But she had caused problems by finding her "true self," and no amount of self-acceptance was going to fix it alone.

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Enter Anna. I found it strange how well she took things in stride. Sister causes an eternal winter? Oh, no biggie. She's my sister. She wouldn't hurt anyone. She hasn't talked to me in more than a decade, but hey, she's my sister, and me talking to her can make things right. And so with confidence, she went up the mountain, promising Elsa that she would be with her. At this point in the movie, I was kind of siding with Elsa in terms of believing that Anna could do anything to help. How could she fix something so supernatural? Was she going to suddenly acquire the ability to create eternal summer and balance things out, a la Enna Burning? Was true love's kiss going to save things yet again, as in Enchanted?

No. She ended up sacrif-ice-ing herself to save Elsa from a two-faced, incredibly disappointing prince. Because this was Disney, we all knew that the sacrifice would end up saving the day for everyone, including Anna.

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But that doesn't make it less meaningful. If you think about it, it really was the most selfless thing done in the movie. And Elsa didn't deserve Anna's sacrifice. She was the one who had not only caused the eternal winter, but also wounded Anna, forcing her into a desperate search for an act of true love. There was no question that Elsa felt remorse, but how could remorse make things better?

And yet . . . remorse is what makes things better for us. Like Elsa, we all have sinned. Though I believe it begins as a conscious choice, it quickly turns into an addiction, an entanglement that we can't escape alone. Although our actions hurt us most, they often affect those around us more than we can imagine. By the time we realize the extent of the consequences, we are completely powerless on our own to change things.

That is why Christ came. He had no sin, so He is able to love us with perfect love. He can see past our prickly exteriors and our hard hearts, caring only that we need His help to escape. For Him, it is not a matter of deserving His help as much as it is a matter of asking for it. He took our place on the cross, just as Anna took Elsa's place, because of love.

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And what does this love do?  It cleanses us and gives us hope again. Like Elsa, we can move forward in confidence, finally letting go of the fears that once controlled us. Interestingly, Elsa didn't lose her powers because of Anna's sacrifice. Rather, she learned how to harness them, and they became constructive rather than destructive and enhanced the lives of everyone around. And so it is with us -- Christ will not necessarily take away every "thorn in the flesh" in our lives, be it temptations, perceived personality flaws, or other mortal weaknesses we deal with that make us "fixer-uppers." But if we turn to Him, He will be able to use us even with our imperfections to bless those around us and transform us in ways we can't even imagine.

Maybe those trolls knew what they were singing about after all.

Chiasmus

This month has been . . . whew. Not one to be repeated. As I look back at it, I realize that the whole unrepeatable month stands alone as its own chiasmatic structure. So bear with me as I pretend to be Nephi for a bit.

January 1: I, Kyra, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father and mother, especially when it came to gimmicks, decided to use the books available to make a joyous announcement. Yea, verily, I called upon my family to seek out even the best books -- Chrysanthemum, Harry Potter, the weather page of The Herald Journal, The Math Book,  and a gross nursing textbook that Kaylie liked -- and henceforth combined these into clues. And it came to pass that within these clues were given the truths that based on Bayes Theorem, hCG levels in the female body indicated a New Moon to arrive. As with Hogwarts, term would begin September 1st. And likeunto Chrysanthemum, this babe would be perfect, absolutely perfect. And it came to pass that there was much rejoicing in the land.

January 3: And it came to pass that I discovered my camera was missing. And it came to pass that we could not find it by thinking like a toddler.

January 6: And it came to pass that Kevin and I were beset with a cold that had heretofore plagued Kiana, even a cold of much congestion and stuffiness. Therefore, we did not do a session in the Brigham City temple the next day as planned.

January 7: And it came to pass that we journeyed through the wilderness home to the frozen tundra called Michigan. And we took nothing with us, save it were our family, and provisions, and an extra suitcase of Christmas presents, but not our camera. And it came to pass that there was great murmuring on the flight, or there would have been had we been able to breathe or hear due to our stuffy noses and plugged ears. And it came to pass that we journeyed from the airport to the land of our inheritance, and it was bitterly cold outside.

January 8-10: And it came to pass that I napped a lot due to jet lag, my cold, and much fatigue. It also came to pass that I took Joseph to the doctor for a cyst on his lip. And it came to pass that they didn't know what it was, but I still paid the co-pay.

January 11: And it came to pass that I planned and attended a baby shower. And it came to pass that the snow began to melt.

January 13-17: Wherefore, I being relieved of my cold, I began to unpack our possessions as well as the hand-me-downs acquired from generous ward members. And it came to pass that no pair of boots fit Joseph very well, so after one afternoon of playing outside and repeatedly putting his boots back on, we didn't play outside much. Wherefore, it also came to pass that Joseph watched a lot of Mr. Rogers while I napped due to much fatigue. It also came to pass that I took Joseph to another doctor for the cyst on his lip, and the halls of the hospital were difficult to navigate even like unto mists of darkness. And it came to pass that I am still waiting for them to schedule his surgery.

January 18: And it came to pass that I attended a baby shower. And it came to pass that the snow began to fall mightily.

January 21: It came to pass that I was beset with another stuffy nose, which I later self-diagnosed as rhinitis of pregnancy. And it came to pass that each attempt at social behavior was inhibited by my inability to talk and breathe within the same minute. And it came to pass that it was also very hard to sleep.

January 23: And it came to pass that the exceeding cold returned to the land.

January 24: And it came to pass that the rhinitis tapered off, and there was much rejoicing. And it came to pass that Kevin submitted a conference paper after working on it every evening for three weeks, and there was even more rejoicing.

January 28: And it came to pass that we received the camera in the mail, and there was yet more rejoicing. And we did sing the praises of my mother who discovered the camera in a place where no toddler could have reached.

January 29: And it came to pass that the exceeding cold and bitter windchill lingered in the land, even that we went outside only when strictly necessary. And it came to pass that Joseph received a bump on his other lip, which caused great anguish. And it came to pass that couches turned into playgrounds, and video chat with family replaced actual chat with neighbors. And it came to pass that I went stir crazy.

January 31: And it came to pass that the sun did shine again, and temperatures hit the 30s for the first time in weeks. And it came to pass that I rejoiced greatly in not having to scrape the car on the way to my ultrasound appointment, which had been scheduled to alleviate concerns about spotting. And it came to pass that I discovered that the baby was neither absolutely perfect nor absolutely present.  For behold, the very day that the joyous announcement was made was the very day the embryo stopped growing. And it came to pass that in my car there was a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Kyra weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not. But behold, I, Kyra, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are still present, such as no attendant being at the parking garage so I didn't have to pay $2.00 nor show my sorrowful face, and that the warmer temperatures allowed me to run woefully from the car to the house without fear of slipping on ice. And it came to pass that we ate Syrian food for dinner, just like Nephi might have. And it came to pass that I stopped crying, but the headache remains.

The end.

So, it doesn't take a huge amount of exegesis to see that this was not the best month. Not the worst month I've lived through yet, but definitely the dreariest. (When the majority of your outings become visits to the doctor to check your son's lip a few times, get your flu shot, get blood drawn, and endure invasive procedures, you know it's gotten bad.) Like Nephi, I am comforted that at the center of my life is a sure knowledge of God's love. "Yea, I know that he lovest his children, nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." Because I sure don't.

February will probably be better.