Joseph video catch-up

Hey, remember Joseph's frownsmile?

This was almost a year ago. Wow!

Well, after several months' hiatus, it's back!

He especially does this happy sour lemon face in public. If someone does something that makes him smile against his will, he will exert all his effort to swallow it. He also likes to be very solemn in public, except for the occasional outburst of "armpit!" or "ride bus!" during the Sacrament.

Luckily, we have video evidence that he does talk! And since I haven't posted any videos since February, here are a bunch from the past two months.

By this point, probably only grandparents are watching so no one else has to watch the less interesting ones.

(He and I will never see eye to eye on this.)

Mostly this is funny because of our failed attempts at conversation.

His dad wasn't helping him at all. I promise. All those side glances were . . . coincidences.

When I was little, I used to listen to "Sounds Like Fun" which had this 4 1/2 minute song about letter sounds. Joseph loves it. I figure I deserve to listen to it as an adult since I listened to it so much as a kid.

In nursery, they have little suns they hold up to sing "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam." At home, we have to improvise.

There's just so much to say about this fun little boy. The way he growls just for fun, the way he insists "fast" or "slow" (usually fast), the way he pulls out the webcam to talk to "gamma gamma," the way he reminds of owies from weeks ago that apparently still need bandaids, the way he stares at me seriously just to make sure I understand him, the way he giggles and jumps when he's excited . . . there are plenty of hard parts, but it is still a lot of fun.

I need to take more smiling pictures! This is the only recent one I found.

Even when he swallows his smiles.

Of Microfiche and Ring Theory

In October 1985, a young man made a long distance call to a father in Kansas.

"Hi, um, I'd like to marry your daughter."

The man had no idea that his daughter was dating anyone so seriously, and he asked for clarification. "Who is this? How long have you been dating?"

§

It began a year earlier in Math 371, the abstract algebra class at BYU.

He was recently home from his mission, ready to dive back into math and engineering classes. She was in her second year at BYU, flying through the credits so quickly that she was already essentially a junior though only 18 years old.

They never really talked to each other. But that isn't to say they didn't notice each other.

She learned his name quickly -- Todd Moon -- and looked him up on the microfiche. This predecessor to the BYU directory was the true "stalkernet" -- you could find name, number, address, and even class schedule of anyone at the school. She saw that there was another female BYU student living at his same residence (it was his mom, but she didn't know that), and that combined with the occasional mention of a "baby McKay" led her to believe that he was already married and just didn't wear a ring for whatever reason.

He didn't learn her name quite as quickly, but he would position himself to be on the same row as her so when homework was passed back, he could see the possibilities for her name. Eventually he narrowed it down to "Barbara," though he never figured out the last name. Even asking out her friend in the same class didn't get him as close as he would have liked to her. (Incidentally, Barbara realized fairly quickly that he wasn't actually married.) At the end of the semester, she was steadily dating someone else, he was dating other girls, and so they went their separate ways.

§

Months later, in the summer of 1985, Todd was in a quartet with some of his friends, and they decided to serenade BYU with their parody of "For the Longest Time" called "In the Longest Line."¹

Nowadays, a song like that could have gone viral on YouTube within hours. But as it was, it did get its small share of fame from the Daily Universe. Barbara saw the article, took heart at the fact that the article specifically mentioned he was single, and hoped to maybe run into him again.

A few weeks later, she got that chance. Todd had been dating another girl, but they both decided it wasn't right, so they were going to have one last dinner together at his parents' house and then call it good. That afternoon, Todd went to talk to the girl at the copy center where she worked to finalize the details for the evening. And, as fate would have it, in walked Barbara, who was all too content to linger and chat with Todd. There was really no good way to get out of the situation, so he ended up finalizing the details in front of Barbara and then ending that relationship that evening.

However, armed with the assurance that he had correctly deduced her first name, he later went back to his algebra teacher to find out her last name. Dr. Walter pulled out the class roll from the year before to confirm that her last name was Rytting. He was still under the impression that she was seriously dating someone, but Todd didn't even worry about that possibility. He just went right up the microfiche and punched in everything he knew. Finally, he had her phone number!

That evening, he called her up and asked if she was free on Friday. She said no, she was busy.

Here, the accounts differ. Todd says that he pulled out all his courage to ask, "What about Saturday?" Barbara says that she was the one who mentioned she was available on Saturday.

Either way, they went out on Saturday. He picked her up from her grandma's home in the tree streets, swung by his parents' house in Orem, and then went off to the canyon for a group date with his roommates.

§

And then it just kept going. They were only able to go out every other day since Barbara had prior commitments with other young men the other days, but on each of those days they fell deeper and deeper in love. They bonded over music, Ivan Denisovich, grandmas and backyards, and homework. Todd went home lovesick every night.

So he decided to do something about it. 18 days after their first date, they spent the evening doing homework together. As they walked back to his car in the ASB parking lot, he realized now was as good time as ever.

"Will you marry me?"

She enthusiastically said yes, and that was that! They were engaged!

§

"Who is this?" my grandpa asked my dad as he asked for my mom's hand in marriage the next day. My grandma was standing next to him, coaxing him to say yes, this was okay. She had heard about the whirlwind romance from both my mom and her mom (at whose home my mom lived), and there was a unanimous stamp of approval. Finally, my grandpa gave his blessing, to the great relief of my dad.

And then, six months later, on April 24th, 1986, they got married!

And I'm sure glad they did.

1. Here are the lyrics, in case you were wondering. 

Whoa-oah-oah 

In the longest line.
Whoah-oh-oh
In the longest line

If I got my add-drop card tonight
There would still be other crowds to fight.
What else could I do?
I’m going to BYU.
It’s got me standing in the longest line.

Once I thought my ID card was lost
Got no cash for the replacement cost.
Got no enjoyment,
Now I’ve got to find employment
and I’ll keep standing in the longest line.

Whoa oh oh oh oh
In the longest line.
Whoa oh oh oh
In the longest line.

I’m the voice that’s screaming in the hall,
And the greatest miracle of all
Is that I’m seated
In the very class I needed
That’s after standing in the longest line.

Maybe this won’t last very long
I’m just a freshman – I’m probably wrong.
Maybe I’m just hoping too hard
Cuz I left my card
Back home on the table.

Who knows how much further I’ll go on 
When I’m there the tickets may be gone.
I’ll take my chances
as the ticket line advances 
And I’ll keep standing the longest line.

I had second thoughts at the first
I said to myself my bladder will burst
If I’d know the line would be so bad
I wouldn’t have had 
that last glass of water.

I’m a royal Cougar true and true
I’ve been in true Cougar line since two.
My date is missing.
Oh wait, who’s that she’s kissing?

And I’m left standing in the longest line

Whoa-oh-oh-oh
In the longest line.

Once in a blue moon

As I've mentioned before, there was a pretty big obstacle to Kevin and me dating each other. I imagine most people would feel at least a little weird about going out with someone with the same last name as them, and we certainly were no exception.

But, as fate would have it, we did end up dating, and even ended up married (4 years ago today!). In a few short vignettes involving our last name, I will explain how it happened:

1. After we met, I was all too excited at the thought of friendzoning Kevin. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with him, of course, just that I was kind of tired of boys and would find any excuse I could to not have to go out with them (especially since I was so bad at saying no that outright prevention was the best policy). So the next time I saw Kevin, I was happy to say, "Hey, cousin!" That, and other similar actions kept things awkward enough for several months that we felt no fear things could progress.

2. And yet, in April, we started to flirt. All those months of being mutually friendzoned had led us to actually feeling comfortable around each other and even sort of liking each other. By the end of the semester, it was like being back in high school again, the way we would shamelessly throw small objects at each other. One night, we both went to a party full of engineering friends. I don't know how it started, but we ended up having a pillow fight on the couch.

"Oh, how cute," Jack said. "Brother and Sister Moon."

We both froze in horror. Kevin was used to being Brother Moon on his own, and I was used to being Sister Moon on my own, but to be combined so easily was shocking, and pretty embarrassing (especially in front of all our friends). That was the night I realized I wouldn't mind being Sister Moon for the rest of my life.

3. In June, we started to date. Since it was summer, it wasn't common knowledge, nor was it likely to be spread through the sparse grapevine of friends still around. One day Kevin was working on homework, and I was sitting next to him, holding his hand. A friend came up and gave us kind of a funny look. "Are you tutoring him?" he asked.

"Nope," I said.

"Aren't you guys . . . cousins?" We assured him we most definitely weren't, and he walked away. As he left I thought, "I don't usually hold hands with boys I tutor, nor with cousins." I also realized that it wasn't that bad having people think you were some kind of redneck with no consideration for levels of consanguinity.

You'll notice I never answered her question. I still felt too shy about it.  The correct answer is third half cousin once removed.

4. The semester we were engaged, we both took a dance class together. In dance classes, you learn first names, but there's no point to learn last names, so we were spared the usual teasing. However, our teacher knew our last names, and she knew from dancing with Kevin a few times that he wasn't married. I don't know if she ever saw my ring or not.

At the very end of the semester, just a few days before we got married, she finally cornered us and asked, "So, what's up?" She couldn't figure out why we had the same last name and would hold hands. "For a bit there I thought you were brother and sister." We assured that we weren't and looked forward to the time a few days in the future when people would stop asking about it.

5. And then we got married! And people stopped caring! And I never had to legally change my name!

Although, we're still working on what to call the grandparents.

A General Conference Challenge

"The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening." -Linda S. Reeves, April 2014 General Conference

Of all the things I got from General Conference, this impacted me the most. Kevin and I talked about it and decided that we needed to include Joseph in scripture study more than we were. We had both been occasionally reading from the scriptures to him at bedtime, but we felt like we needed to do it more as a family.

So, slowly but surely, we're starting to go through the Book of Mormon with Joseph. We read about 4-6 verses, pausing on the interesting verbs and nouns for Joseph to repeat. By the end of the 3rd verse, he usually gets pretty antsy and we decide that that's good enough for the night.

Although it's a very little change in our nightly routine, I really feel like it's made a difference in our lives.

Not visibly, necessarily. Joseph is getting molars, getting older, and getting a feisty streak. Since we started reading scriptures, he's had more tantrums than ever. In some ways, it seems the added measure of peace we've gotten has been canceled out by tantrums. But because that added measure of peace has been internal, impervious to screaming, it has made dealing with tantrums that much easier.

What I love most is that Joseph actually gets some of what we're reading. As President Eyring said 10 minutes after Sister Reeve, "Young children are often more sensitive to the Spirit than we realize." He would get excited every time he had the chance to say "Messiah." He somehow caught on to what we were talking about in 1 Nephi 10 and started prodding us "Jesus bastize. Jesus bastize" because he could watch that 2 minute Bible video 100 times without getting bored. (It's up there with Winnie the Pooh and "leddi go.") Although many of our spiritual discussions end up talking about Happy Easter Eggs instead of Happy Easter, or raisins and candy when I ask him to say "resurrection," it's cool to see that he is learning, and he really does care.

Anyway, I recommend it!

Strive

Note: This is dedicated to everyone who is finding out for sure where they are going for school. And especially my sister Kiana, who has never been to a math camp.

A few weeks into my freshman year, I attended a dinner for scholarship recipients. As I walked in, I saw a few familiar faces, but I still felt very out of place and awkward. What was I doing here? What were we all going to talk about during dinner?

The answer? AP classes. I could get down with that. It was the most boring conversation topic in the world, but it was fairly innocuous. Then a bag of candy was passed around, and we were all supposed to take some. Well, I like candy, so I took a bunch. Then they announced that we weren't supposed to eat it, and that for each piece we took we had to say something about ourselves. I froze in horror. I had like twenty jelly beans.

Most everyone had four or five jelly beans, and they quickly got through their introductions. The smart ones who also grabbed a lot just hurried and gobbled up their candy so they only had to say four or five things about themselves too. I wasn't that quick on my feet, so I had to reach far into my life to find things to say that were the right amount of impressive, same as everyone before me. By the end it was a stretch. It was pretty horrible for everyone involved, I imagine.

Finally that whole jelly bean thing was done and they talked about other things. "We've studied it over the years, and 6% of Presidential Scholars end up marrying each other." Suddenly we all started looking each other over, trying to gauge what our potential future spouses might look like. After my jelly bean debacle, I felt pretty safe from that fate, at least among this group.

The final activity of the night was making mission statements. "I have a suggestion," I said to my small group. "Can we not use the word 'strive?'" They looked at me like I had suggested drowning a kitten. "I feel like I hear that word a lot and I'm kind of tired of it." It seemed to be a buzzword among all the freshman orientation-type people -- "Strive to achieve greatness. Strive to help the community. Strive to live the Young Women values." I was just plain sick of it.

 "Well, it's a good word," was their response, and the resulting mission statement used the word about four times. I felt like I had stuck my foot in my mouth enough so I didn't protest any further. At the end of the evening, I felt a huge sense of relief that it was finally over.

. . . Interestingly enough, I did end up marrying another Presidential Scholar (not the same year, so I don't know if that counts toward the 6%). I also eventually had conversations with some of these people that never even touched on AP classes or jelly beans.

And I still don't like the word strive.

3 years and 51 weeks

That's how long I've been married as of today. It is also exactly the amount of time between when I first started dating and the day I got married. In other words, I have now spent half of my "dateability" married.

And, for some reason, it's been on my mind a lot lately. Obviously, these last 3 years and 51 weeks have been way better than the preceding 3 years and 51 weeks, and I've wanted to talk about what I've learned and what I wish I had known and yadda yadda yadda. I even spent the last hour or so trying to write a blog post about it. But since writing coherently is currently the bane of my existence, I think I will save those couple thousand words as a draft (one available upon request) and just sum it up as this:

The skill set required to be good at being asked on dates is not the same skill set required to be good at being married.

But it's good to have both.

Also, hanging out is a better way to get to know people than going on awkward restaurant or frisbee golf dates. Just make sure to eventually learn how to interact one-on-one.

The end.

Art

Sometimes, I try to write stuff.

. . . And then I realize I don't have enough information, perspective, or organization to really say what I want to say about the topic at hand. And so I pile up the drafts, wondering if I'll ever manage to get anything coherent out.

But in the meantime, I share pictures of Joseph. And now that he's figured out how to use the camera, it's also pictures from Joseph! Some of them are surprisingly artistic. And then there are the ones where it seems he couldn't take a picture unless something was holding the camera steady, i.e., it was smashed against a couch cushion. So there are those.

I took this one, not Joseph. You can tell because it's blurry.

Kevin took this one. You can tell because it's not blurry.

Joseph took this one. I helped a little bit.

Most pictures look like this. 

Hey, the lens wasn't smashed into the couch for this one!

Eh, who needs to talk about complicated stuff anyway? Pictures are way more fun!

Lasagna

Time for another recipe -- lasagna! This one is a bit pricier what with the ground beef and variety of ingredients, but we sure like it and it sure lasts a while! So it's worth it.

I can't really think of any changes we make to it. I do really like the sauce you make to go into the lasagna, and I imagine if you're looking for a homemade spaghetti sauce recipe this would work really well.

My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Son

This week has been a great one for fashion at our house. Armed with my high-tech point and shoot camera, I've been able to capture many moments with my avant garde son, who has a lot in common with his friend Quinoa.

Joseph prepares for his African excursion with animal mannerisms and high water pants.

While discussing different types of foliage, Joseph suddenly discovers that nothing will make his bare legs and socks blend in.

Joseph contemplates the lighting in his next independent film.

Dressed in couture camouflage, Joseph spent the morning embracing nature.