Bedtime

When we moved to Utah, one of the first things I noticed was how thoroughly our bedtime routine collapsed. For months it was a long, arduous affair like it had never been before to get the kids in bed and keep them there. We tried having the older boys in separate beds in the same room. In the same bed. In separate rooms. And every night it felt like it took at least 3 adults 90 minutes to make bedtime happen compared to the one person who did it in Connecticut while the other washed dishes.

So we got frustrated, we tried all sorts of consequences, and we kept on tweaking. And gradually, we've come up on some rules that have made things easier. As fun as it was to read library books on the main level, we realized that dragged things out too much so we said that reading books couldn't happen until everything else was done (like brushing teeth), and then we could only read books that were already in the basement (no going back upstairs for any reason). We made a rule that they had to sit on the couch while we read scriptures rather than playing with toys in the same room (and made that rule easier by scratching their backs while we read). We said that parents couldn't snuggle in bed with kids (there are full and queen size beds, so there was room for us, but it was dragging things out). We did our best to make sure Jacob wasn't hungry and was wearing a brand of diaper that didn't soak through. And while we didn't have an exact minute that bedtime started, we did our best to finish what we started in a timely manner.

To our surprise, the biggest thing that helped was switching Joseph to Matthew's room. We had put Matthew in a different room because he was keeping everyone awake, but when Jacob needed a bit of sleep training we put Joseph in with Matthew temporarily so that Jacob wouldn't wake him up. When Jacob generally started sleeping through the night (minus a few teething nights), we told Joseph he could sleep in his old bed again. But he wanted to stay with Matthew because the two of them would play with stuffed animals and transformers in bed for a while after we tucked them in. There have been occasional squabbles, but for the most part everyone goes to bed and stays in bed.

Most of my bedtime rules were pronounced in moments of desperation, but I see now why they worked. They gave the kids more boundaries and more intimacy. It's good to know where you belong rather than being spread throughout the house. It's good to have to sit on the couch, especially if you get a back scratch. It's good to know that you can still get all the cuddles you want but that your parents do not belong in your bed. And it's good to know that your brother wants to play with you a little bit after lights are out.

I guess this is what parenting is about. Predictability, security, boundaries, and love.

And teething. Always teething. Even the 6 year old.