The Best is Yet to Be

As Matthew has become more mobile, it's been tempting to compare him to Joseph at the same age and peg him as "busier."

But this is why I keep a blog. A quick glance at what I wrote about Joseph at the same age suggests that Matthew is no busier than Joseph was.

It's interesting though . . . it can be so tempting to make narratives for ourselves that aren't really that accurate. They also usually make our present situation seem harder than it really is. Here are a few examples that I've thought of the past few days.

• At Matthew's 2 month appointment, he showed off for the doctor. He was friendly and wiggly and even rolled over for her. "I think he's going to be a lot busier than Joseph was," she warned me. What she didn't know is that at Joseph's 2 month appointment, he kicked the butcher paper so violently that it crumpled and tore, and he could roll over too.  But has he been destructive and hyper ever since? Hardly. A few minutes in a doctor's office isn't really a sufficient data point.
• I also assumed that Matthew was a lot bigger than Joseph. But Joseph was 16 pounds at 6 months and Matthew was 16.5. At 9 months, Joseph was 17 lbs and Matthew was 18 lbs. So he's bigger, but not by a ton.
• Joseph is picky. There is no doubt about it. It's been exasperating to watch foods disappear from his diet for no apparent reason (the latest loss is bananas, but blueberries, grapes, peas, and broccoli have all disappeared too). I've longed for the days when he wasn't so picky . . . but those are actually imaginary days. As I wrote when he was 17 months old,
  "Chicken might be okay one meal, but definitely not the next. The same goes for bread, strawberries, peas, milk, and basically every other food he eats. When you look at acceptable foods over time, the graph resembles white noise, a random signal. " 
  I think he was willing to eat more foods back then, but he still could be particular. So, I don't need to mourn the loss of what never was.
• I've always heard that I was a big, difficult baby. But I recently looked at my medical history, and at 8 months I was 19 pounds. Which is not small necessarily, but at 18 pounds Matthew is well below the 50th percentile. (I know I'm comparing boys to girls and 9 months to 8 months. But still.) Compared to the 4 month and 22 lb or 11 month and 27 lb babies I'm used to hearing about, 19 pounds seems relatively tiny!
  One of the evidences often cited by my aunts and uncles that I was difficult was that it was hard to change my diaper since I wanted to roll over. After having two kids and babysitting lots of others, my response to that is, "Really? What baby doesn't want to roll over during a diaper change?" Or, "What baby doesn't have at least some separation anxiety?" I'm not really qualified to speak definitively on this since I don't remember it, but it has been interesting to think about. 
• We are all looking forward to Joseph turning 4, especially because it means he won't be 3 anymore. 3 has been the hardest, whiniest, sassiest, most difficult age ever . . . except for when he was 2. Or 1. Or a baby. One thing that actually helped me through the past few months of Joseph being 3 was reading about when he was 2 and reminding myself, "2 wasn't an easy age, either." I realized I could be overlooking all the great things about 3 because I was too focused on the new hard things.

Perhaps the problem doesn't lie in faulty memory as much as the way we let the faulty memory make us victims. Whatever the story is, whenever it takes place, we want things to be super hard for us because that is more interesting than things being pretty much normal. 

But is it possible that things were good then, better now, and will only get better? I think President Monson said it best when he said, "The future is as bright as your faith." And our stories are as bright as we make them!

(And, to make one more comparison -- yes. Joseph did have as much hair as Matthew. Lots of people have asked.)