For the First Time in Forever

November 9th was a really good day. I had spent the last few days just feeling . . . funny. In a good way, but I felt very strange. Early that morning, after tossing and turning all night, my curiosity got the better of me and I took a pregnancy test even though it was pretty early to find out. I grinned as I saw that it came back positive, actually quite positive. I hurried back to our bedroom, woke Kevin up to tell him, and then let him go back to sleep. Before church had even begun, I started sharing the good news with friends, not even caring that people could overhear me. Once I was home, I shared the good news with my family in as gimmicky ways as I could think of off the top of my head.

By the afternoon, the euphoria had started to wear off, and reality set in. "You're sure sighing a lot," Kevin remarked. "Everything okay?"

I went to him and we hugged. "What's going to make this any different from all the other times?" I sobbed.

§

Fun fact: I spent 50% of 2014 pregnant.

Not so fun fact: I spent 50% of 2014 not pregnant.

The year had started off auspiciously enough, I suppose. After months of trying (complete with an unconfirmed but very possible chemical pregnancy), I finally started the new year off right with a positive pregnancy test, and I spent the rest of January exhausted, if not particularly sick. But by the end of January, I had started bleeding, and I learned that the baby had stopped growing the same day I had taken the positive pregnancy test.

Although it was disappointing, I handled it pretty well for the most part after the first week. I sat out a baby shower or two, tried to avoid conversations about due dates and birth stories, and did all I could to appreciate the nice weather on Mother's Day instead of focusing on yet another disappointing month without a pregnancy. (I don't remember succeeding at any of these, but at least I tried.)

In early June, I again found out I was pregnant, and this time I even had a bit of mild morning sickness! It was one of the most fun months of my life, even if I was napping for a bit more of it than I would have preferred. I also chose this time to keep the pregnancy a secret from everyone except Kevin, to the point that I didn't even let my sister know I felt queasy when I visited her at 8 weeks along while Kevin was in Hawaii. Once he came back, the next day and a half were a glorious blur of walks, bike rides, and sheer excitement.

Then Monday morning came. After discovering that, thankfully, the baby was exactly 9 weeks along, just as it was supposed to be, the doctor and I discovered that for some reason, the baby had no heartbeat. Despite this prognosis, I spent the next two days absolutely convinced that the baby was still alive, that the blood was flowing to the baby again and that the heartbeat had come back. Unfortunately, at my follow-up appointment on Wednesday, I found out that no miracles had occurred; I had become a walking graveyard.

I spent the rest of the summer and fall happy enough that I could hide my grief, but sometimes I would find myself consumed by it far more than with the first miscarriage. Friends upon friends started announcing pregnancies. Friends started having babies the same time I would have been due with the first. Friends started finding out the sex of their babies due the same time I would have found out mine. Meanwhile, I was starting to try again, tracking everything, religiously examining the results of all my blood work, studying up on my prescriptions, and even learning that one pill I was taking was actually acting as birth control.

It was rough. But eventually it all ended up okay.

§

The day after I found out I was pregnant, I called my doctor's office to start scheduling appointments. I mentioned my prior conditions and asked if there would be any useful lab work based on that. My question got filed away in the "totally forgotten" category, and I spent the next week crying to Joseph that "No one seems to take things seriously that I care a lot about." "Oh, okay, Mommy." (It didn't help that I was taking on more and more of the heavy lifting for the Christmas concert/creche and that we were planning to move that Saturday.)

But luckily, by the end of the week, after a few more phone calls back and forth with the doctor's office to clarify their comments, I finally actually got to speak to my doctor. She confirmed that a baby aspirin a day would be enough to help with the genetic clotting disorder they had discovered with the blood work (I had suspected that lack of blood flow had been more of a cause of the second miscarriage than any sort of chromosomal problem), and that no other prescriptions were necessary. Huge sigh of relief.

To be honest, this still was the most physically and emotionally exhausting pregnancy I've ever had. The morning sickness was never severe, but it came early, and it wiped me out. Additionally, I spent my days asleep on the couch, the floor, or on the piles of laundry I was intending to fold. Each cramp, each pull and tug I felt in my abdomen sent me into a little bit of a panic, since I had felt those right before miscarrying in July. I would think of the activities I did right before that miscarriage -- carrying Joseph throughout Chicago, moderate exercise, eating this food or that -- and each time I did them I had a little twinge of worry. Little wonder, then, that things like the Back to the Future soundtrack or the opening sequence to Johnny Lingo (still not sure what drove us to watch that) would get me tearing up. 

Perhaps the hardest week was when Kevin was in Montreal. I was torn between being grateful for my nausea -- it meant, at least, that I was still pregnant -- but it also meant I was scarcely functional, and nausea hadn't necessarily been the litmus test for viable pregnancy it was supposed to have been the last time. (Although, I do have to say, throwing up an entire sweet potato onto Joseph's coat while video chatting with Kevin was reassuring, and gross.) I had to remind myself that just because Kevin had been gone while I was 8 weeks pregnant and I had an appointment at 9 weeks pregnant that had gone disastrously last time didn't mean that him being gone while I was 8 weeks pregnant this time with an appointment at 9 weeks pregnant this time would have the same result.

But even so, once he was back in town, I made sure he was at that appointment with me for emotional support. No small talk this time; my doctor just went straight to the ultrasound and discovered a cute little thing in there with a heartbeat. She printed off such a fuzzy image that it looked more like a caterpillar than not, but caterpillars are cool too. Joseph started swatting at the picture immediately, so I think they're off to a healthy sibling rivalry start.

I considered scanning in the actual picture, but this was just as fast. And frankly, just as informative.

§

After that appointment, things got better. I stopped being so anxious about things like zumba or carrying Joseph (good thing, too . . . he had started throwing my words back at me with complaints like, "My tummy hurts. I need you to carry me"). The nausea gradually tapered off, though it flares up every now and then. There were even some days where I had the same energy levels that I'm normally used to.

Today, I had my 13 week appointment. Although I knew to keep my expectations manageable, I didn't feel afraid. After a minute of hunting, the nurse practitioner discovered a healthy heartbeat. 

And that was that. For the first time in forever, I had made it to the second trimester. I know I'm not entirely out of the woods yet, but to have finally, finally come this far . . .

For the first time in forever, at least I've got a chance.

A San Diego Christmas, Part 3

The next few days were full of lots and lots and lots of animals!

Monday: We went to Sea World! All that I remembered from Sea World back when I went when I was 5 was from a picture that was part of my kindergarten letter book. For the letter 'S,' my mom included a picture with the caption "sleepy sad sisters at Sea World. Stroller. Shamu." I meant to replicate that picture while I was there, but this was the closest I got:

Sleepy sad son at Sea World. Stroller. Sidewalk.

It was pretty fun overall. The dolphins were charming, the seals were silly, the flamingos were pink and loud, the penguins were cute and smelly, and of course, Joseph was happiest when he was on a ride of some kind.

The next day, we went up to Escondido for the Safari Park. 

Baby gorilla.

Lion on a jeep. Just cuz.

On our safari ride. We took lots of pictures of far-off giraffes and deer-like animals, but I think you'll be okay without them.

The condors were cool.

As with the other days, Kevin and I left before the rest of the family so Joseph could have some semblance of a nap. And so we could go swimming for a little bit before the sun went down.

Wednesday . . . relaxed day! Laundry, swimming, chatting, and hanging out at an overcast beach watching seagulls swarm empty bags hoping for food. After dinner at a nearby grotto, we had a nice Christmas Eve together and opened presents then. (And I didn't take any pictures all day.)

I think I'll save the last two days for one last blog post. Just to keep you all hanging in suspense.

A San Diego Christmas, part 2

Let's see, where was I? Torrey Pines! The rest of the family hadn't even shown up yet!

Don't worry. The rest of the days didn't have that many pictures, so I can go faster.

We still had a little time to kill before Kevin's family got there, so we decided to go swimming at the hotel using a guest pass. But they were closer than we thought they were, so in the time it took us to pull our swim stuff out of our suitcases, they showed up! So we unpacked instead, dipped our feet in the water a little bit, and then drove for about 5 minutes (mainly left turns) to dinner only to discover it would have been a 30 second walk. Live and learn, I guess. I have no memories after 8:30 that day, so I think I fell asleep pretty soon after dinner.

The next day we woke up bright and early at 5 for Legoland! Not that we went then, of course. Just that we were awake then. And had 4 hours to kill until everyone else was ready. This probably would have been easier if Daniel Tiger had worked on public television. (As a side note, we are really having trouble watching Daniel Tiger these days. Online it has trouble with buffering. DVDs from the library are scratched. And I guess on nice big screen TVs in hotels it still is strangely choppy. Oh well.)

Anyway, Legoland! It was really cute. Joseph was really into the rides, which was a little bit of a surprise.

Most everything there was made out of Legos. Of course.

His first ride. He approved wholeheartedly.

Part of the fairy tale boat ride.

We weren't expecting him to like this one, but he laughed the whole time.

By this point, it was like 2:30 and he had had no nap. So don't let that smile deceive you.

It took like 1 minute for this to happen, at least once the fruit snacks were gone.

So, lots of rides, lots of legos, lots of fruit snacks. (And even though I didn't take many pictures of the lego structures, they were cool too!) After dinner that night, I think I managed to stay up until about 9 pm.

Sunday morning, we went to church, discovered at least two connections there (some friends from Inca Villa, my friend's older sister, and possibly someone I knew from the Math Lab), enjoyed being in the audience for a Christmas program, stayed with Joseph in the nursery until he got mad about something (that's when we both left), went back to the hotel, ate bagels, took naps, and then headed to the beach.

Just as we didn't expect Joseph to like rides very much, we expected him to love the water. But I guess the fact that it moved made him nervous, because after about fifteen seconds of standing in the water he was Done. And he wanted the rest of us to be Done, too.

Next stop, Mormon Battalion! It was really fun and educational and even now back in Michigan I've still been looking more stuff up online and in books we own, which is a good sign.

 It was also cool learning about the Mormons who went up to San Francisco and worked at Sutter's Mill.

I don't know how they stay afloat with all this gold they give away.

A quick drive home, another early bedtime, and we were ready for the next day of adventures!

A San Diego Christmas, Part 1

As promised, here is the story of our wonderful trip to San Diego for Christmas, split up into manageable chunks. Although Kevin's family isn't from San Diego, they have enough ties there and enough respect for sunny weather that they figured it would be a good place to meet up for a week.

So, Friday morning at way-too-early Eastern time (which is, equivalently, extremely-way-too-early Pacific time), we got on a plane, waited for the plane to de-ice, watched muted movies on the plane, and made it to San Diego all in one piece.

"So this is sunshine," we said to each other as we headed into the 60-degree weather. And suddenly I understood the appeal of living in California.

We had a few hours to kill before we could check into the hotel, so we decided to visit Torrey Pines, which I vaguely remembered from our visit there 6 years ago.

My younger brother didn't want to wait for us, but he didn't want us to worry, so he left us notes on the way.

The inscriptions from Spencer had long faded, but we replaced them with stroller grooves. At first the stroller seemed like a really good idea, especially as we were trudging from the lower parking lot up to the trails. And it did fine on the trails, for the most part.

Only problem was, I was pretty sure there was something I wanted to see down at the beach, and the longer we went the less we wanted to turn back. 

So, we took our stroller down this:

Well, it was more like this picture below, but still.

Not shown: stroller. I was probably holding it.

As we were moving our little handcart company down the hill, a pair of seasoned hikers came up to us and started to laugh. "We have been grumbling the whole time about the mountain bikers, since they're not allowed. But it turns out it was a stroller! That explains why the grooves stayed so parallel."

Other than our adventures getting a stroller down a rather steep and rocky hill and working with a mostly napless little boy, it was a really nice afternoon. Great weather, great company, great views, and great hair! (Well, not really that last one for me so much.)

Everyone we ran into on the trail was so friendly and so eager to take our picture (probably because we were super good looking after several hours on an airplane). California people struck me as rather nice in general.

So this is a cactus. All those readings of "Hop on Pop" prepared him well.

When we got back to the parking lot, Kevin saw his reflection in the car window and laughed. Then he made me take this picture to prove that he did know how to comb his hair.

And . . . that's enough pictures for today. 

Grocery budget

Every now and then, an article shows up on Deseret News with the story of how a family of, say, 4 cut back their grocery bill to some still rather large amount. Kevin and I discuss these articles in shock -- how could people still spend that much?

Now, the more I've thought about it, the more reasonable it is for a family of 4 to spend, well, several hundred dollars on food. I mean, our family of three doesn't spend much, but it's made up of not very tall people, including a stay-at-home mom and a toddler who really doesn't add much to the grocery bill. So if we lived somewhere where food was more expensive, had bigger appetites, and lived a busier lifestyle, it would make sense to spend closer to that range.

But even so . . . I think there are legitimate ways to save money at the grocery store that might be overlooked. So I thought I would share some things that have worked for us to keep our grocery bill low these days.

Planning

• Have a meal plan for when you go to the grocery store. Plan your meals around what's on sale, and stick to it. As an added bonus, this makes the rest of the week go much more smoothly because you know every day what you're going to make.
• Look at coupons, but don't obsess over them. Honestly, most coupons won't save you money because they're making you spend money on things you don't need like snacks. We find that we get the most use out of coupons for things like cereal, especially when that cereal is on sale.
• Go to the same store as much as possible. I don't know that this necessarily saves as much money as going to the store with the cheapest deal, but I do know that it saves time and energy. Additionally, the longer you go to a certain store, the better feel you have for when things are on sale at that store. That way, you can kind of guess when the things you want will be on sale, and save up til then.
• Try to go to the store as little as possible. It's very hard to go to a store to buy one item because there just might be something else you'd like, so the fewer trips you have, the fewer chances you have to buy extra items.

At the store

• Buy the cheapest version you can stand. There are definitely some things that name brand is the best for, but it's worth it to check the store brands first.
• Pay attention to unit price. Usually bulk will be cheaper per ounce, but not always.
• If you are low on something, and you know it will be on sale soon, get the smallest amount possible. For example, if you know that cereal will be on sale next week, go for the 14 ounce instead of the 18 ounce if the 14 ounce will get you by for the week, even if the unit price is more. Why? Well, because it should still cost less overall! And since you'll be able to get your cereal for much cheaper the next week, the average unit price will still be less. (I just checked this with an imaginary $2 box of 14 oz, $2.50 box of 18 oz, and $2 on-sale box of 20 oz. Buying 1 $2 box of 14 oz. and 4 boxes of $2 20 oz. ends up being slightly cheaper per ounce than one 18 oz. box and 4 20 oz. boxes.) This one isn't a huge deal, and honestly the results will vary, but generally buying more of something that's more expensive than it needs to be isn't going to save you money. 
• Don't be afraid to buy a lot of something if it's on sale and it will last. Hooray for food storage and freezers!

Lifestyle

• The biggest way to save money is to not buy something. There are things I've discovered since getting married -- we really don't need ice cream in the freezer all the time. Or juice, or crackers, or snack foods, or supplies to make cookies, etc. It's not necessarily bad to want those things, but that's all they are -- wants. And, the less you buy them, the less you want them.
• Plan your meals so that you don't throw food away. Keep tabs on your produce and leftovers, and use them!
• Use your freezer! Meat lasts so much longer in the freezer than the fridge, and if you buy it on sale it can be so much more affordable. Freezers are also great for fruits, vegetables, and bread. But not milk, I've heard. (Ew.)

Eh, there are probably other tips I could share, but this is long enough for now.

What else have you used to save money/change your spending habits?

Finishing up the year

And, just like that, 2014 is over.

It went fast. Well, at least December did. This is probably because December can be summed up as follows:
First week: Celebrate Kevin's birthday. Finish getting ready for creche exhibit/concert. Finish organizing and arranging musical numbers. Set up for the concert. Say goodbye to Kevin while he goes off to Montreal. Execute the production. This is how it looked, by the way. So it worked pretty well, and I think it had pretty good turnout, and I don't really know how much I've explained how much went on with it on the blog and I'm not sure that I ever will. (Basically it just followed me around for more than three months and I gradually found myself in charge of everything and really not into delegating since that meant just as much work and waiting.)

Second week: Kevin is gone at his week long conference. I am tired a lot. I have very few memories about this week, but somehow Joseph and I both made it through. The night before I am supposed to accompany the ward choir in church, Joseph spends a few hours throwing up.  I hear that I am not needed after all, but then ten minutes later I find out I am needed after all. The whole episode is so funny to me that I don't even mind having to accompany even though I would have liked to sleep instead.

Third week: Kevin comes home Sunday afternoon right after Joseph threw up for the last time. Hooray for help. We spend the week slowly doing laundry, finishing up take home tests (Kevin, not me), helping with voice recitals (me, not Kevin), getting Christmas plates full of cookies we have no  chance to reciprocate, and packing for our trip beginning Friday to San Diego!

Fourth week: It is sunny and warm in San Diego! We have crazy nonstop fun with Kevin's family visiting beaches, theme parks, zoos, etc. and staying securely on Eastern Time until the last day. (I will probably talk about this more later since it deserves its own blog post.)

Fourth and a half week: We come back home Saturday. Slowly slowly slowly do lots of laundry. Go shopping most every day for one missing item, of course picking up more at the store. Rent our first Redbox movie in more than a year. Disappoint our son daily by not eating restaurant food anymore (although he pretty much only ate tortillas at the restaurants anyway).

And . . . then, here we are. At the end of 2014.

It's been real, yo.

Bring it on, 2015.

Contact

I was recently in charge of a concert/créche exhibit for my ward. There's a lot to say about it that I'll probably talk about in another post, but the thing that was most amusing and frustrating to me throughout it all was how hard it was to get in contact with people.

Gone are the days where you would simply call someone's home phone, count on them answering, and be done with it. Instead, I compiled this list of ways to contact someone and acquire information:

• Email
• Google chat
• Google docs
• Call a home phone
• Call a cell phone
• Text
• Call the spouse's cell phone
• Email the spouse
• Call a home phone and leave a message, when it turns out they were listening to the message all along and then answer as soon as you're done talking
• Send out emails to find someone's home phone number (this was for people who weren't in the ward anymore)
• More google docs
• When trying to submit the event online, create an entire account with the event website simply to send an email into the void
• When trying to track a package, call several different plausible numbers for businesses in a nearby town, only to get redirected multiple times to a completely useless 800 number and a printing company in Virginia
• Talking in person (probably the most effective method, but it also required tracking the person down)

And so on. I generally found that one or two of these methods worked for contacting a given person -- the trick was knowing the most effective method.

(Or, I suppose I could have been like Joseph's dentist's office, which just does them all multiple times. I have gotten at least two emails, one postcard, and two texts. I guess they really don't want me missing his appointment tomorrow.)

At any rate, I think it's safe to say that any phobia I've ever had of calling or emailing people has been entirely eradicated.

Although, I do still have social anxiety about google docs. Don't let me down, anonymous loris.