Mrs. Moon

Every now and then, I'm reminded that I married someone with the same last name. Most recently, it's been with all the forms I've been filling out which have asked for my maiden name. Last week, the hospital called because they didn't think I had filled the form out correctly and had accidentally put my last name twice. As feather-brained as pregnancy and new baby have made me, I still don't think I would have made that mistake. (I was laughing pretty hard when that phone call ended.)

But there are other, more subtle ways in which my lack of name change provides amusement. The other day, Kevin called me Mrs. Moon, which he does every now and then. The first time I heard that it was weird weird weird. Mrs. Moon was my mom! And it was my mom in exactly one capacity: volunteering in my class in 5th grade class or doing PTA stuff, always wearing a denim skirt and dark red toenail polish.

Fast forward to a few days ago. My mom decided to buy me some new clothes to celebrate not being pregnant any more (thanks Mom!). She got me some new skirts, some capris, and a cute top that looked like one she would wear herself.  It was while I was wearing this top, my new denim skirt, and uncharacteristically dark red toenail polish that Kevin called me Mrs. Moon. And I just felt so . . . Mrs. Moon-ish.

To add to the Mrs. Moon-ish-ness, the next day my mom stopped by to see Joseph. And she was wearing the exact same top, a denim skirt, and dark red toenail polish.

It's official. I've turned into my mom.

New moon

Note: this post is word-heavy and probably boring. Skip to the videos at the end if you just want to watch a cute baby instead of read about new-mom angst.

Where have I been the past few weeks, you may ask? I've been on an oxytocin high thanks to this little guy:

Out of the hundreds of pictures I've taken, I still can't find one that does him justice. He's much cuter in real life.

Yep, Joseph Isaac Moon is here! I went into labor a little before 2 am on Saturday, May 26th and out he came at 10:36 am. (If you want more details, I'd be happy to send you the blow-by-blow, cm-by-cm tale, but I feel like it would not be interesting to most everyone. I dunno. I read every birth story on every blog I could find the weeks before he came out, but maybe I'm just weird. At any rate, it was a very non-horror-story labor so if you want to read one of those to know they exist, I'd be happy to send it to you. Suffice it to say labor went well, the Provo hospital was absolutely fabulous [I don't get why people are hating on hospitals these days since everyone was so nice and friendly and knowledgeable], and I am a fan of epidurals.) He was 8 lbs 2 oz and somewhere between 19 and 21 inches (he either grew a lot when we went to the pediatrician 4 days after birth or they didn't measure quite right at the hospital).

And he is wonderful! I love seeing his bright blue eyes and watching him kick his legs around the way he did inside of me just two weeks ago. I love the way his eyes get big and greedy when he realizes that I'm about to feed him and how he opens his mouth like a baby bird. I love how he sticks his tongue out like a frog. I love the way he bonks his head on my chest when he wants food. I love how when we do tummy time he tries to crawl (though I don't love how frustrated he gets when he can't because there's really nothing I can do to help him out there). I love how surprised I was by how alert newborns actually are (they're just comatose for company, I've decided). And (I feel bad admitting this) I sort of like it when I'm changing his diaper and he hates it and starts to scream and it takes a few seconds for him to get the scream out and I'm like "wait for it wait for it" and then he lets out a piercing wail. (Disclaimer: I like this only because I know it will end as soon as the diaper change ends. I don't actually take pleasure in babies crying.)

Granted, it is hard. Before he was born I figured the hard things would be the diapers, the crying, and the sleep deprivation. Turns out diapers stopped being disgusting around Day 2. Granted, there are still times which are a little gross, like when he does what I affectionately and euphemistically call the Arc de Triomphe when I forget to cover him while changing him, but for the most part I don't mind the diapers. Crying is still hard, especially since he's getting fussier (they say around 2 weeks they get progressively fussier til about 2 months . . awesome), but in general I'm able to calm him down. And the sleep . . . well, every night is a new adventure. Last night I was asleep from 11 to 9 with only 2 wakeup calls, so today I feel like the waking up in the night isn't so terrible. But then again I've had some 3-4 hours of sleep sorts of nights too, so it fluctuates.

But what's really been hard is the feeding and the worrying. These days the hardest thing about feeding him is the timing. He doesn't have a set pattern so it's really hard to plan anything from naps to doctor's visits to trips to the library to even doing household chores. And nursing is hard and scary and wet and sticky and uncomfortable and worrisome at the beginning. But it's getting better.

The worrying is not. I worry about that little bit of congestion in his nose, how many diapers he's had in a day, his umbilical cord, if he's eating too little, if he's eating too much, if the spicy food I eat bugs him, the way he chokes and sputters sometimes while eating, if he'll stop breathing in the night, etc. And then to make it worse, I get so much conflicting advice from nurses and pediatricians and family and hospital pamphlets and books about nearly everything that I don't know what to do sometimes. (As a side note, I haven't updated my Facebook status "What's on your mind?" for a while now because the only thing on my mind is all this stuff and I'm loath to receive any more advice from well-meaning friends.) But then I figure that billions of people have survived being babies despite having somewhat clueless mothers, and it helps me not worry so much and helps me just pick and choose the advice that seems right.

Despite these hard things, it's wonderful. And he's adorable. And perfect. And this post has had way too many words and far too little of Joseph considering it's a post about him for goodness sakes! So for your viewing pleasure:

Inca Villa

After this weekend, all of our neighbors who moved into Inca Villa before us or the same summer as us will be gone.

It's kind of terrible.

There are so many wonderful memories we've had with them all, and it's hard to see them all go. I could go on and on and on and on about all the great times we've had and how tragic it is that we are all moving on, but I think the Internet would run out of room.

So I'll just let this clip from Fiddler on the Roof say it all for me. If you replace "Anatevka" with "Inca Villa" then that's basically how I feel about this whole affair. (Especially the "someone should have set a match to this place years ago" part.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWiRetxeviw

My math book

Kevin and I were talking about the pros and cons of homeschool, and he mentioned that it would be a huge time investment and take a lot of planning and resources. Then I remembered an awesome resource I already had -- a math book I started to write when I was 11. I found it and opened it and lo and behold I think it's about ready to be published, it's so good.

I think the best part of the book are the story problems. Since they're based on real-life events, they prove that math is applicable to real life.

Here are some of my favorite story problems I asked in my oh-so-advanced math book:

 ~If Spencer has seven Tootsie Rolls™ and Kiana has eight Tootsie Rolls™, how many do they have together? (yes, I figured out the trademark symbol)

~ Jennie needed Mommy to listen to her homework.  She had to wait 3 minutes when Spencer needed a diaper change.  Then, Mommy got a call from Aunt Kiersten, which took 15 minutes.  Then Kyra needed her to show her something on the piano, which took 5 minutes.  How many minutes did it take until poor Jennie got to read her homework?

~ Kiana notices something in the car.  Mommy and Daddy have two seats.  She and Jennie share one seat.  Spencer has one seat.  Kaylie, Kyra, and Leslie have three seats.  How many seats are in the car? (I love this question not just because it is so ambiguous but because it reminds me of how we used to fit 8 people in a 7-seat car. We probably wouldn't fit so well these days.)

~Leslie finally got the puppies out of her room.  Spencer threw them all over the place because he was happy.  He saw one over by the TV, two behind the couch, and one at the bottom of the stairs.  How many puppies were freed from Leslie's jars? (I'm sure there was some story behind this, and I think the puppies were not live ones.)

~ Kaylie is keeping track of how many minutes she reads.  She reads 34 on Monday, and 45 on Tuesday.  How many minutes did Jennie read? (watch out . . . this one is tricky)

~If Jennie waited 14 days for her thing to dry, and Kaylie waited seven, how many days would they wait in all? (okay, ambiguous question, and what thing am I talking about anyway?)

~How old is Spencer's age plus Kiana's age? (this answer was right for only a year)

~If Kiana got 23 slivers and 2 bumps on the head in Mommy's room, how many ouchies did she get in all? (I think this is based on a true story)

~Jennie and Kiana are sitting by each other in the car.  They get Twizzlers® every time they say something nice to the other.  Jennie says 4 things nice, and Kiana says 4.  How many Twizzlers®  do they both get together?

~Why does 1+1=2? (I don't know why either.)

~Write a paragraph about why adding is important. (Personally, I feel like if you're just barely learning about addition, then you're probably not at a stage in life where writing paragraphs is particularly feasible.)

So there you have it. Sadly, I only made it through the addition chapters. One of these days I'll have to finish the math book with more story problems based on my siblings.

Unpleasant things

So I've had sort of a one-track mind the past few weeks. Well, maybe three-track. All I think about is labor, delivery, and baby. I checked out "What To Expect the First Year" from the library and it's been like some horror novel that I just can't put down, or a horror novel that I have to put down because it's too overwhelming. Which is kind of ironic because it seems like almost all of the book is spent reassuring you that things are normal and your baby will be fine.

As I've been fixated on these three ideas, the thing that I've started to realize is that the world is set up in kind of a funny way where pain and unpleasant things are often preferable to the alternative. For example, let's take labor. Labor sounds painful and miserable and terrifying with or without an epidural. Yet every time I feel something painful that may be a tiny contraction, I basically punch the air out of joy. Why? Cuz it means I'll have a baby soon! I would rather have that pain than not because of what it means. (Of course, I wouldn't mind if magically I was one of those people who didn't have painful labors.)

And then once you have the baby, well, they're a lot of work. Yet much as I don't really like the sound of crying, I am pretty sure that I would rather hear that baby let out a heartrending wail when he comes out than not.  And then I'd rather have to change a ton of nasty diapers in a day than deal with the alternative -- that he's not getting enough to eat. Or down the road, I'd rather deal with a fussy baby because he's teething than deal with a toothless wonder for a child. (Okay, they probably can fix that sort of thing, but it'd be better to have things as normal as possible.)

It's just such a bizarre paradigm shift. My whole life I've tried to make things as unpainful as possible. Yet now here I am, almost welcoming pain and unpleasant things because I know that they mean a lot more good things are coming. Gives a lot more meaning to "opposition in all things."

The new fridge

After my last post, someone told me that I'm a very passionate writer. I've decided to fix that with this dispassionate story. Then I'll go back to getting the world married.

Once upon a time last week, Kevin and I went home for a visit. To my surprise, there was a new fridge.

I guess the fact that there was a new fridge wasn't in and of itself too surprising. The old refrigerator had been around more than 20 years and it had been slowly dying, so it made sense to get a new refrigerator.

What surprised me was that the freezer and fridge were next to each other, rather than the freezer on top of the fridge.

I thought we weren't one of those families. You know, "we don't use words like that in our family," or, "we don't watch TV shows like that in our family." I guess I had always thought that "we don't use side-by-side fridges in our family" because all my friends who used side-by-side fridges also used words and watched TV shows that weren't allowed in our house.

I fear my family has been corrupted by worldly influences more than I had anticipated.

How to never get a girlfriend

I feel like it's about time for another one of my pregnancy rants (rants I feel okay making because I'm pregnant, not rants about being pregnant). This one is about dating, everyone's favorite topic.

There are a lot of people I know who want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and don't. There are two basic problems associated with this: not finding the right person, and not being the right person. For those who simply haven't found the right person, I'm not too worried. Eventually he or she will fall into your life.

What concerns me more is those who struggle "being" the right person. While everyone is different and everyone is attracted to different types of people, I still think there are some indicators that make a person more or less attractive. I've looked at some common pitfalls that may prevent you from forming successful relationships.

Before I begin the list, there are two things to note. The first is that I do not claim to be perfect in any of these categories. Far from it. Making this list has been eye-opening for myself and is as much a call to action for me as it is for everyone. The second note is that this list may be written more towards men than women.  This is probably because I am female, so I know what is off-putting about men to me personally, whereas I can only guess what's off-putting about women. But the advice applies to both genders.

Without further ado, here is a list of 10 common attributes of people who are struggling in the relationship department.

1. Hating on the opposite gender. (For my dad and others who may not be familiar with the jargon, hating on is a relatively new term basically meaning to bash. It's not quite the same as hating.)  It's kind of a bad idea because you're trying to snag someone of the opposite gender!

But, you say, I'm just hating on certain attributes of the opposite gender. I don't plan to date people like that, so what's wrong with me hating on those attributes?

Good question. Let's take, for example, guys who hate on Twilight. (In my opinion, hating on Twilight is so 2008. Can't we move on already?) Twilight does set some ridiculously high standards for men and isn't a very good example of a healthy relationship, but to judge a girl based on whether she likes/liked Twilight is arbitrary and unfair. It doesn't mean she expects a relationship like that and it certainly doesn't define her. Yet I've seen Twilight used as a deal-breaker.

Or let's take another example. I recently heard a friend complain about girls who judged a guy based on his shoes. He's justified in not wanting to date those girls, but is he justified in complaining? The funny thing is, I'm a girl who really doesn't care about shoes at all and in fact purposely chose the flattest, boringest wedding shoes I could just to show how little I care about shoes. But I still didn't like his complaint. Why? Because some girls I care a lot about care about shoes, and I felt like his complaint about a few girls reflected a general disdain for all girls who may be petty about anything (which we all are).

And going the other direction, girls, most guys have played video games, like Star Wars, and care about sports at least a little. Deal with it.

2. Complain. It is not attractive at all. It sends the signal that you're a person who can't handle little problems in life or that you're so egotistical that you expect everyone to agree with you and fix your problems.

In particular, don't complain about dating or how hard it is to get a date in Utah. I find it ironic that people complain so much about the dating scene and then are surprised when it doesn't acquiesce to them. For those who pride themselves on not dating "after the manner of BYU," let me just say, it occasionally works! Give it a try!

3. Not take care of your appearance.  Guys, if you don't wash your hair daily, get rid of your unibrow and other unsightly hair, and wear unflattering clothes, you are unnecessarily limiting your prospects. Girls, if you don't wash your hair frequently, get rid of your unibrow and other unsightly hair (including above the upper lip), and wear unflattering clothes, you are also unnecessarily limiting your prospects.

4. Make jokes at others' expense. Don't ever ever ever ever ever do this. (Yes, I know plenty of happily married people who do this all the time, but don't do it.) You are never as funny as you think you are, and people will not trust you as much.

5. Criticize. No one is perfect. You will not marry someone who is perfect, and they probably need to be corrected every now and then. But if the ratio of kind to critical words is less than, I dunno, 20 to 1, you will not have a happy marriage. Trust me on this. The person who marries you has trusted you enough to share all their vulnerabilities with you, and it does not behoove you to betray that trust.
So since you ultimately want to get married, why not get into the habit of not criticizing now? Plus you'll be that much more attractive by giving up criticism.

6. Be too nerdy. (This one is mainly directed at guys.) Let's talk for a minute about how nerdy I am. I double majored in math and electrical engineering and got a master's in electrical engineering. I like factoring numbers in my head. I read textbooks for fun. In a lot of ways, I'm about as nerdy as they come.

And I have still come home from dates thinking, "Wow, he was way too nerdy for my liking."

How is that possible? Perhaps it's that the guy was nerdy in a different way (say a physics or computer programming kind of way). Perhaps it was that the guy dominated the conversation and talked only about nerdy ideas that I didn't care about.

Whatever the reason may be, don't be too nerdy!

How do you know if you're being too nerdy?
-If she's bored.
-If you're doing most of the talking.
-If you haven't found out what she's interested in and looked for commonalities.

Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone needs to be a nerd about something, be it math, cars, animals, or sociology. If you aren't at least mildly fascinated about something, then you're boring. But there's a difference between displaying fascination and being overbearing.

7. Overanalyze. I realized a few years ago that I really didn't like being analyzed. At first I was flattered by the attention, but then I felt like I was being invaded. I think most people are like that. We want to be understood, but we don't want to hang around people who make that their primary goal.

And what's wrong with overanalyzing a relationship? Well, most of the time it's unnecessary. Most people give fairly clear signals about how they're feeling so there's no point looking for subtleties. (If you are one of those people who pride themselves on subtleties, stop it. You're giving the rest of us a bad name.) People and relationships should be analyzed, but only to a point. If you're both happy, then keep going. If you're not, then stop.

8. Juggle too many people. Do you remember Teen Girl Squad? The Ugly One's catchphrase in the first episode was "I have a crush on every boy," said in her scratchy voice.

And in high school, that's okay. In fact, it's probably ideal in high school to get to know a lot of people and learn what flavors you like, so to speak (hooray for Young Women's metaphors about dating and Baskins and Robbins).

But there comes a point where it's good to have prospects, but not too many. Let's face it. You will probably meet people who have 6 out of 7 of the key attributes you're hoping for in a spouse, and you'll know 3 other people who have that missing 7th attribute. So what do you do? My opinion on the matter is that it's best to kind of focus on one at a time. You may find that the more time you spend with a given individual, the more or less that one attribute matters. Once you know that, you can either decide to pursue the relationship further or move on. But if you just sort of juggle those 4 people, then you've got yourself stuck in limbo where no one is quite satisfying but no one is quite worth abandoning either, and then you never progress.

9. Not be fun.  A few years ago, I made a mental list of party games that I didn't really like. They included frisbee, soccer, anything involving running, card games, strategy games, mafia-esque games, Settlers of Catan-esque games, chance games, or games like signs or fruitbasket.  Yeah, basically every kind of game except word games and charades games. Not surprisingly, it limited how much fun I could have at a party. So I decided to not hate those games anymore, and as a result parties are actually fun, even when I lose miserably.

The thing is, most people want to hang around someone who's fun at least most of the time and who can enjoy themselves most of the time. If you're overly particular about what counts as fun to you, then you're going to be kind of boring to be around.

10. Dislike yourself. If you've read the whole post up to this point (and if you have, you deserve a gold star. I promise that one of these days I'll just do short posts, or even just pictures of adorable babies), then you may have had one of these reactions:
-What? I had no idea that was unattractive!
-Yeah, I was already painfully aware of all my shortcomings. Thanks for rubbing it in, Kyra.

If you have the second reaction, you may already be wallowing in the depths of self-pity or despair. If you are, then get out! Almost everyone struggles with several things on this list, so you're not alone! The way to fix a problem is not by focusing on the problem but by focusing on the solution, the whole "assume a virtue if you have it not" thing. If you dislike yourself for not being perfect, then you're making it harder on yourself.

So what's the solution? Learn to like yourself! Learn to look in the mirror and be happy with the amazing person you already are. Are you perfect? Of course not! No one is! But I bet most anyone who you know would have plenty to praise about you. If you know that several of these pitfalls apply to you, then you're ahead of the game. You can be happy that you're aware of your weaknesses and be happy that they can become strengths. And that will make you all the more attractive.

Well, this has been long and opinionated. Like I said, there are a lot of things on this list that I need to improve on. I think my next post will be about the positive things I've noticed that happily married people do.

One last note: I haven't talked much about the spiritual side of dating. Remember that Heavenly Father loves and knows you and that His Son Jesus Christ died so that you can overcome your sins and weaknesses. Every mistake you have made has already been paid for through His Atonement, so we can forget the past and keep moving forward.