New moon

Note: this post is word-heavy and probably boring. Skip to the videos at the end if you just want to watch a cute baby instead of read about new-mom angst.

Where have I been the past few weeks, you may ask? I've been on an oxytocin high thanks to this little guy:

Out of the hundreds of pictures I've taken, I still can't find one that does him justice. He's much cuter in real life.

Yep, Joseph Isaac Moon is here! I went into labor a little before 2 am on Saturday, May 26th and out he came at 10:36 am. (If you want more details, I'd be happy to send you the blow-by-blow, cm-by-cm tale, but I feel like it would not be interesting to most everyone. I dunno. I read every birth story on every blog I could find the weeks before he came out, but maybe I'm just weird. At any rate, it was a very non-horror-story labor so if you want to read one of those to know they exist, I'd be happy to send it to you. Suffice it to say labor went well, the Provo hospital was absolutely fabulous [I don't get why people are hating on hospitals these days since everyone was so nice and friendly and knowledgeable], and I am a fan of epidurals.) He was 8 lbs 2 oz and somewhere between 19 and 21 inches (he either grew a lot when we went to the pediatrician 4 days after birth or they didn't measure quite right at the hospital).

And he is wonderful! I love seeing his bright blue eyes and watching him kick his legs around the way he did inside of me just two weeks ago. I love the way his eyes get big and greedy when he realizes that I'm about to feed him and how he opens his mouth like a baby bird. I love how he sticks his tongue out like a frog. I love the way he bonks his head on my chest when he wants food. I love how when we do tummy time he tries to crawl (though I don't love how frustrated he gets when he can't because there's really nothing I can do to help him out there). I love how surprised I was by how alert newborns actually are (they're just comatose for company, I've decided). And (I feel bad admitting this) I sort of like it when I'm changing his diaper and he hates it and starts to scream and it takes a few seconds for him to get the scream out and I'm like "wait for it wait for it" and then he lets out a piercing wail. (Disclaimer: I like this only because I know it will end as soon as the diaper change ends. I don't actually take pleasure in babies crying.)

Granted, it is hard. Before he was born I figured the hard things would be the diapers, the crying, and the sleep deprivation. Turns out diapers stopped being disgusting around Day 2. Granted, there are still times which are a little gross, like when he does what I affectionately and euphemistically call the Arc de Triomphe when I forget to cover him while changing him, but for the most part I don't mind the diapers. Crying is still hard, especially since he's getting fussier (they say around 2 weeks they get progressively fussier til about 2 months . . awesome), but in general I'm able to calm him down. And the sleep . . . well, every night is a new adventure. Last night I was asleep from 11 to 9 with only 2 wakeup calls, so today I feel like the waking up in the night isn't so terrible. But then again I've had some 3-4 hours of sleep sorts of nights too, so it fluctuates.

But what's really been hard is the feeding and the worrying. These days the hardest thing about feeding him is the timing. He doesn't have a set pattern so it's really hard to plan anything from naps to doctor's visits to trips to the library to even doing household chores. And nursing is hard and scary and wet and sticky and uncomfortable and worrisome at the beginning. But it's getting better.

The worrying is not. I worry about that little bit of congestion in his nose, how many diapers he's had in a day, his umbilical cord, if he's eating too little, if he's eating too much, if the spicy food I eat bugs him, the way he chokes and sputters sometimes while eating, if he'll stop breathing in the night, etc. And then to make it worse, I get so much conflicting advice from nurses and pediatricians and family and hospital pamphlets and books about nearly everything that I don't know what to do sometimes. (As a side note, I haven't updated my Facebook status "What's on your mind?" for a while now because the only thing on my mind is all this stuff and I'm loath to receive any more advice from well-meaning friends.) But then I figure that billions of people have survived being babies despite having somewhat clueless mothers, and it helps me not worry so much and helps me just pick and choose the advice that seems right.

Despite these hard things, it's wonderful. And he's adorable. And perfect. And this post has had way too many words and far too little of Joseph considering it's a post about him for goodness sakes! So for your viewing pleasure: