Bedtime

When we moved to Utah, one of the first things I noticed was how thoroughly our bedtime routine collapsed. For months it was a long, arduous affair like it had never been before to get the kids in bed and keep them there. We tried having the older boys in separate beds in the same room. In the same bed. In separate rooms. And every night it felt like it took at least 3 adults 90 minutes to make bedtime happen compared to the one person who did it in Connecticut while the other washed dishes.

So we got frustrated, we tried all sorts of consequences, and we kept on tweaking. And gradually, we've come up on some rules that have made things easier. As fun as it was to read library books on the main level, we realized that dragged things out too much so we said that reading books couldn't happen until everything else was done (like brushing teeth), and then we could only read books that were already in the basement (no going back upstairs for any reason). We made a rule that they had to sit on the couch while we read scriptures rather than playing with toys in the same room (and made that rule easier by scratching their backs while we read). We said that parents couldn't snuggle in bed with kids (there are full and queen size beds, so there was room for us, but it was dragging things out). We did our best to make sure Jacob wasn't hungry and was wearing a brand of diaper that didn't soak through. And while we didn't have an exact minute that bedtime started, we did our best to finish what we started in a timely manner.

To our surprise, the biggest thing that helped was switching Joseph to Matthew's room. We had put Matthew in a different room because he was keeping everyone awake, but when Jacob needed a bit of sleep training we put Joseph in with Matthew temporarily so that Jacob wouldn't wake him up. When Jacob generally started sleeping through the night (minus a few teething nights), we told Joseph he could sleep in his old bed again. But he wanted to stay with Matthew because the two of them would play with stuffed animals and transformers in bed for a while after we tucked them in. There have been occasional squabbles, but for the most part everyone goes to bed and stays in bed.

Most of my bedtime rules were pronounced in moments of desperation, but I see now why they worked. They gave the kids more boundaries and more intimacy. It's good to know where you belong rather than being spread throughout the house. It's good to have to sit on the couch, especially if you get a back scratch. It's good to know that you can still get all the cuddles you want but that your parents do not belong in your bed. And it's good to know that your brother wants to play with you a little bit after lights are out.

I guess this is what parenting is about. Predictability, security, boundaries, and love.

And teething. Always teething. Even the 6 year old.

Change and gratitude

I think about change sometimes. How do cultures change? How do people change? How do I change?

The first realization I had about that was that change usually doesn't happen until there's no way to avoid it. When I moved back home, I was surprised to see that, despite all the growth in the area, there still weren't sidewalks along the older roads.

Where the sidewalk ends

"They don't bother unless there's a new development," my mom explained. They had petitioned for sidewalks along that main road ever since they moved in, but no one had bothered because no one wanted to foot the bill. Compared to other projects, it was pretty easy to ignore. Something being a good idea didn't mean it was going to happen.

Something similar stood out to me as I read Hidden Figures. It was the World War II labor shortage that first caused people to reach out to African American women to work for NASA. Once they did, the whole country was blessed because of the brilliant women who solved some incredibly hard problems. And yet, without the original labor shortage, all of these women would have been an untapped resource for perhaps several more decades. All too often, change comes only when the usual options are exhausted.

Sometimes it is easier recognize the need for change than to create the change. This is often true for our own habits and mindsets. We may know that the usual options of coping and complaining aren't working anymore, but how do we make the actual change? There are books and podcasts out there, but it can be a chore constantly examining your thoughts and mindsets. It's even possible to listen to those podcasts and come away thinking of people in your life who need the advice more than you. How do you enact change within yourself?

Then the answer came to me: Change is hard, but gratitude is easy.

If you approach life with gratitude, so many problems can disappear. Perhaps you can't (or shouldn't) avoid all conflict, but its resolution can come without ill will on your part. When you live with abundance, there are fewer battles to fight. And best of all, personality flaws like laziness, impatience, and selfishness will melt away in the warmth of gratitude and a giving mindset.

How does change happen? I still don't entirely know, but I think it always begins with a foundation of gratitude.

Veterans and Voices

Most of my Internet browsing these days is based on house stuff. Cabinets, doors, windows, all of that. It's interesting to us right now, but it probably makes for boring reads for most people.

So here is some stuff I've read that doesn't have to do with home design. Most of it was today because I don't remember what I read further back, but oh well.

First, last night Kevin and I were talking about voices. I feel like a lot of people with big personalities also have big voices -- usually pleasant, melodic voices that really carry. So I looked up why some voices carry more than others and got a fun little lesson about vocal cords.

https://www.livescience.com/22191-loudmouth-voices-carry.html

Next, in honor of Veteran's Day, here are a few articles I read about World War I.

http://www.keepapitchinin.org/2008/07/31/jens-leslie-stevenson-called-to-serve/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_II,_German_Emperor

So let's talk for just a minute about Kaiser Wilhelm. I know that people have a habit of comparing politicians to Hitler (especially Bush, Obama, and Trump), but I have to say . . . Kaiser Wilhelm definitely reminds me a lot of our current head of state. Hoo boy. Wonder what Wilhelm's Twitter feed would have looked like.

This next link takes you to an image of a lovely letter written to Major Brent Taylor's family. I am so grateful he was a light while he was in Afghanistan:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/maj-brent-taylor-s-family-gets-letter-afghan-military-colleague-n931911

I was especially touched by how he helped his colleagues value their wives and children more. I have really been thinking a lot about a slight variation of the 2nd Article of Faith: "We believe that women will be punished for their own sins, and not for Eve's transgression." For so much of the history of the world, women have been treated as inferior and some people look to Genesis to justify it. But we know that that is a wicked, false tradition. I still see the cultural baggage from it here and there (sometimes in places I think it least belongs), but overall I am grateful to be in a society that sees women as equals. (I also think the lack of drinking culture helps a lot with that.)

As for books that I've read . . . as always, I'm more likely to reread than read, so there haven't been a ton. But here are a few.

Warbreaker -- I was thinking the other day that I don't have all that much nerd cred, engineering degree aside. I mean, the last Marvel movie I really saw was Avengers in 2012, and I just saw that because everyone said you should go see a movie before you have a baby. So I think I'm going to try and catch up on all the Brandon Sanderson books because I've already got a good headstart. I think all I'm missing now is . . . each of his 1000+ page books. Sigh.
Anyway, back to Warbreaker. It was fun. It was clever. I guessed a lot of the plot.

A Gentleman in Moscow -- I'm only about 100 pages in, but so far I'm enjoying it. It's not a page-turner (except that I turn pages ahead to see if I'm right about my guesses), but it's still lovely. I read Warbreaker about as fast as I can eat a bowl of popcorn, but this is much denser. I'll do my best to finish it.

Educated  -- Read most of it (skipped a lot of the beginning because I didn't want to read about neglect and physical abuse). I liked it when she got to BYU and started learning about things like going to the doctor. I had some quibbles with it, but when I tried to write them down they came out wrong. So you can ask me in person if you care!


And last but not least . . . This xkcd really made me laugh. https://xkcd.com/2065/

Red Ribbon Week

This week at Joseph's school is Red Ribbon Week. This means that the trees have bright red ribbons tied around them, that the kids plant tulips, and that each day they're supposed to wear something with a certain theme.

Nothing this year is too hard to find. Yesterday was "wear red" day and today is "wear your Halloween costume" day. I've heard of schools where kids are supposed to wear camo one day or "dress as what you want to be when you grow up" day. In contrast, crazy hair day and hat day aren't too hard.

Even so, I've been a little bit annoyed at having to come up with outfits for each day. "What do any of these have to do with drugs?" I wonder. What do any of these have to do with the horrible, horrible things that happen because of drugs -- the physical and mental health problems that occur, the ravenous call of addiction, the children traumatized by having parents who can't take care of them, the difficulty in holding a steady job, and the siblings and friends devastated by the loss of loved ones due to an overdose? How can you teach kids about the horrors of drug cartels, about how dangerous borders have become, how much pure evil there is in those who want to enslave and addict anybody they can?

Well, you can't really say all that to a first grader. So you say what they can, and they understand what they can, and in the meantime you do crazy hair days and hold them as close as you can.

***

Halloween always puts me in a bit of a family history mood, so on Monday I gave a lesson for Family Home Evening about what happens after we die. I explained what we do in the Spirit World and then explained that we are resurrected. It wasn't the first time we've explained it, but Joseph understood it better this time.

"We get our bodies back? And they never get sick or hurt? That's so cool!" he exclaimed.

It's not always a doctrine that means a whole lot to me. Bodies are great, but I feel like living with God and families forever matters more than living with them with a corporeal body.

Still, as I think about so many people whose lives have been hurt by drugs, whose bodies and brains have been ravaged by their effects, and who die prematurely because of them, I feel a lot of comfort as I think of the resurrection. We will see our loved ones again, and because of the resurrection, we will see them whole again.

I the Lord have not forgotten my people

This week has been so horrible for so many families. Innocent people have lost their lives to domestic violence, racism, and anti-Semitism, and others have been threatened with bombs.

It is all horrific, but it is equally mind-boggling. How could anyone think another human being deserved to die?

I think I know one answer. As soon as you are unkind to someone, you start to hate them. You start to warp them in your mind so that they deserved what you gave them. This happens with gossip or turning someone into a punchline. It happens with an entire culture built around dehumanizing black people so that you can justify enslaving them. It happens with immigrants, with LGBT people, with people of a different political affiliation.

And today it happened to Jews.

Anti-Semitism is as old as it is bizarre. That a mere one percent of the world's population can be hated by more than ten percent of the world's population defies logic. These verses in 2 Nephi 29 in the Book of Mormon have always seemed to reflect both wrath and bafflement from God:

4. . . . And what thank they the Jews for the Bible which they receive from them? Yea, what do the Gentiles mean? Do they remember the travails, and the labors, and the pains of the Jews, and their diligence unto me, in bringing forth salvation unto the Gentiles?

5 O ye Gentiles, have ye remembered the Jews, mine ancient covenant people? Nay; but ye have cursed them, and have hated them, and have not sought to recover them. But behold, I will return all these things upon your own heads; for I the Lord have not forgotten my people.

7 Know ye not that there are more nations than one? Know ye not that I, the Lord your God, have created all men, and that I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea; and that I rule in the heavens above and in the earth beneath; and I bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth?

White supremacy has caused many problems in the United States, but I think it can end in this generation. We need to speak up. We need to cling to truth and insist on teaching it. We need to teach that any kind of hate speech (even the casual kind in our own homes) will poison our own soul and warp our own minds. We need to teach gratitude for people of all races and ethnicities who have contributed so much to making our lives better.

And we need to remember what God has said about all His children:

 33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.

Moons, Moonmoons, and Submoons

"A few years ago," the Smithsonian Magazine article begins, "an astronomer’s son asked the type of question only kids and genius astrophysicists come up with: Can a moon have a moon?"

I am here to testify that Moons can have Moons. Moons have been having Moons for generations. Furthermore, Moons can marry Moons, become Moon Moons, and have more Moons. Moons can even live with Moons while building Moon homes within a mile of other Moon homes. (According to the Smithsonian Magazine, this distance is necessary for the younger Moon residence to complete its own orbit but still be close enough to take advantage of the older Moon's gravity [or garden].)

Scientists wonder why moons don't have their own pet moons. I have the answer to that. First of all, children are not pets, so when Moons have baby Moons we don't call them pets. Second, Moons don't usually have pets because if they had pets they would have to be dopey wolves named Moon Moon to fit the theme of the family, and no one here likes big dogs.

Although no moons outside of Earth's atmosphere have been shown to have their own submoons, plenty of Moons inside of Earth's atmosphere have. Here is my photographic evidence:

As you can see, there are several Moons orbiting the Grandmoons. (Not to be confused with the other Grandmoons that live in Duchesne, of course.) These Moons or former Moons have all converged on an orbit that now only extends as far from the grandmoons as Arizona. The orbit used to include places such as Michigan, Connecticut, Alabama, New Jersey, Georgia, Costa Rica, and Spain, so the Utah gravity is definitely much stronger now!

Scientists have considered calling the moons of moons "moon-squareds." Kevin and I were of course the original "moon-squared" (see here), so naturally Joseph was called moon-cubed, at least for his first Facebook album. And these days he definitely likes three-dimensional objects, especially paper airplanes and origami animals.

Matthew is our little Moonito right now. He always wants to know how to say things in Spanish, and once when my sister asked how he said his name in Spanish, he said "pantalones."

Matthew also fits a lot of other criteria relating to moons of moons. According to the article, "In order for a submoon to survive, it needs to be small -- about six miles in diameter or less." And he is much, much less than six miles in diameter. But what he lacks in size he makes up for in volume.

Jacob is our mini Moon, and he is learning lots about gravity right now. For the past few weeks, whenever he got upset, he flung himself backwards and landed on whatever was right behind him. Luckily, he now checks behind himself when he's about to do that, and if the ground looks hard, he slowly lowers himself down backwards and then continues his mournful soliloquy.

Most of the time though he's pretty sweet and happy and very content to hug and nuzzle the pet moons we do have (stuffed animals).

Moon Moons. Submoons. Moons-squared. Moonitos. Mini Moons. Whatever science decides to call moons of moons, we're sure glad that our set of Moon babies exists!

Naming conventions

Matthew's got a very straightforward approach to naming his stuffed animals. For example:

"What's your white bear's name?"
"White Bear."
"What's your small black bear's name?"
"Baby bear."
"What's your bird's name?"
"Chick."
"What's your dog's name?"
"Dog."
"What's your other dog's name?"
"Cantalobis."

. . . It turns out there's a Cantalobos pet hotel animal rescue, so I suppose even that last name is almost as straightforward as the others.

Kind of.