Called to Nurse

The other night, Kevin asked me, "What would your dream calling be?"

I responded immediately, "Ward Texting Committee."

When he looked at me quizzically (I think he was expecting an answer more like Gospel Doctrine teacher), I responded, "I dreamed I was on it the other night. I don't remember what we had to text, but I do remember one guy getting mad at me for going on a hike instead of staying back and texting, since I didn't have service on the hike."

Clearly, callings have been on my mind a fair amount if they have made it into my subconscious. Perhaps it's because it's time to get a new calling -- I've been in my current one for longer than the handbook recommends, and I've heard that I'm supposed to get a new one.

But in a big, strong ward like ours, it's not so easy to find a place where I'm needed at this point, especially since we'll likely be here only nine more months. The fact that I spend about 20 minutes in the mothers' room nursing a little baby only makes it more complicated.

Today I felt impatient about it all ("Just call me to Primary already . . . I know they need me there!" I metaphorically shouted to the void). But then I realized that maybe I should just have them call me to something that I'm already doing.

So here is my list of appropriate callings to extend to a mother of a young baby to legitimize the way she is currently building the kingdom.

• Baby nourishment provider: Following the injunction given in the Family Proclamation that a mother's primary responsibility is to nurture, a mother is called to feed her baby at church whenever the baby desires it. When the baby desires nourishment during Sacrament Meeting, and the meeting already includes that baby's blessing, the mother's participation in the ward choir, and the mother filling in on the organ, it may be appropriate to feed the baby instead of partake of the sacrament. Actually, it's entirely appropriate.
• Mothers' room coordinator: the mother is called to enter the mother's room before any other nursing moms and set a tone of reverence throughout Sacrament Meeting. She may be called to stop sitting on one of the comfy chairs in there if she plans to stay the whole time.
• Comfortable seat sacrificer: The entire family is admonished to misplace a sock, make a hole in nylons, or have some other small mishap that allows the family to consistently be 3-4 minutes late to church. This will allow other families to get the comfortable seats near the front of the chapel. As an added bonus, this will give other children in the family the opportunity to learn how to be reverent even when they don't sit near the front.
• De facto Relief Society/choir/musical number/baptism pianist: It's someone else's turn to hold the baby. Go play the piano.
• 2017 addition: If you know that the youth are not where they are supposed to be, go and nurse in whatever classroom they're hanging out in. They will skedaddle.
• LDS Tools Access Provider: Throughout the week, when you are nursing your baby, use your least-occupied hand to text fellow ward members information such as phone numbers and addresses when desired. It's your calling, after all.

Actually, that sounds suspiciously like Ward Texting Committee.