To nurture

"Parents have a sacred duty to provide for their physical and spiritual needs. . . . Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

-Family Proclamation, 6th and 7th paragraphs

For the past several months, I've been wanting to write about breastfeeding. I know there are lots of great essays and articles about that out there, and I don't really think I'll be saying anything new.

But I want to talk about it nonetheless. And I feel like talking about it to my male friends, particularly those who are single. (I'm assuming some of you still read my blog even though it's turning into a mommy blog.) I sometimes sense a lack of understanding about these issues from men, particularly single men. I think it's primarily due to a lack of knowledge, not of compassion, so I just want to provide another perspective about sensitive issues.

The issue I want to tackle is that of breastfeeding in public. Even when I was pregnant, I didn't really see why women cared so much about it. "They say breastfeeding is natural .  . . well, so is urinating, but that's not appropriate to do in public either!"

However, since I've had a baby, my views have changed dramatically. I understand how difficult it is to breastfeed. It's hard to learn, hard to do every couple of hours, hard to time. It can hurt, can make you wet and sticky, and completely take over your life. So I'm a bit more sympathetic than I used to be towards women who want to nurse in public.

Furthermore, since we became parents, both Kevin and I feel things tug at our heartstrings a lot more whenever they involve children. I've realized that above all, public policy needs to protect those who are most vulnerable, those who cannot advocate for themselves. And who is more vulnerable than a baby? Nobody! Thus, I believe that when we discuss topics such as breastfeeding in public, we need to remember that ultimately we're talking about nourishing babies, and we need to encourage behaviors that give them the best nourishment possible.

And overall, I think people are encouraging these behaviors. But every now and then you hear stories or read opinions that seem, well, misguided. So I want to address those as tactfully as possible. Without further ado, here are my responses to things people might have against breastfeeding in public.

1. "Go somewhere private to do it!" So, I can understand this one. Kind of goes along with my "Breastfeeding is natural but so is urinating." The thing is, here in America, we have bathrooms everywhere! There's no reason for someone to go in public because there are places specifically designated for it! Breastfeeding though . . . that's another matter. If there's a mother's room, I try to go there, as do most moms (though that's not a perfect solution, such as if you actually want to hear the talks at church). But most places don't have mother's rooms. Where we get led instead is into bathrooms. Which are gross a lot of the time. And so I used to sit on the gross floor because I didn't want to take a stall which someone might need. Then when I decided I didn't care about that I would use a stall and sit on the seats (no lid usually) and hold my breath.

But what happened? Someone would flush the toilet and my baby would bounce off my breast and look around, too distracted to start nursing again for several seconds. And meanwhile I would be squirting milk everywhere and getting soaked and soaking my baby, just because the toilet flushed two stalls over.

So, no, the bathroom really isn't the best solution.

2. "If you need to feed your baby in public, formula is an option." And it's true. It's expensive and non-ideal in terms of nutrition, but it is certainly an option. But why encourage it? Why not make the world a friendlier place for breastfeeding instead of insisting on formula just to spare your eyes? (I could go on and on about how much better breastmilk is, but I'm assuming you've already heard about it.)

3. "Well, you could always pump beforehand. That way your baby still gets the breastmilk." That's true. Let's talk about how pumping was for me with a regular hand pump. First, you must clean all the equipment. Then, you must sanitize it in the microwave for 4 minutes and let it sit there for another 3 minutes to cool off (though it needed to cool off more). Then you have to put the pump together, which took at least one minute. Then you have to pump, which can take 3 times as long as just regular nursing. Then you take it with you where it must be used within 4 hours unless it's refrigerated. Then when it comes time for your baby to get hungry, you get to feed the baby. Again, this takes much longer than regular nursing (at least for me) because the milk comes much more slowly out of the bottle than the breast. So you have to sit there and hold the baby. And plenty of babies don't even like bottles that much, so it's hard to even get them to take it.

Is it all doable? Absolutely. Is it a pain in the neck? A lot of the time, yes. While pumping is a viable option, I hope I've articulated that it can take a lot of advance planning which seems like overkill if your baby just needs a drink while you're out and about. Again, why not make things easier on the mom and just let her nurse her baby?

4. "Use a cover!" Ummm, no. Babies don't like those and usually manage to twist them off anyway. Plus they are very conspicuous.

5. "Just wait to do it til you're home!" Babies have tiny tiny tummies. They digest breastmilk very quickly. They don't have years of fat stores that can hold them over. You would cry like they do if you were as close to starving as they are. So I don't really consider this an option at all.

By now you might thinking, "Wow, why doesn't she just deal with a world which is not always conducive to breastfeeding? I bet her mom and grandma dealt with it." And they did. And I could. But why make things harder than they need to be for something that is so emotional for moms and so important for babies?

But still . . . I get it. I get that you really don't want to be exposed to women's breasts. You want to keep your thoughts clean and pure. I get it. I really do. I remember the first time I happened to see women nursing without even trying to cover up. It was a little shocking, and I was there in the mother's room with them doing the exact same thing. I can imagine that it could be quite unnerving for a man to see.

But breastfeeding in public is not about you. Nor is it about the moms, who usually are very private individuals who would rather not be exposing themselves on the park bench or in the airplane (and who are trying their best to be discreet).

Rather, it's about giving the best we can to the next generation.  It's about allowing women to nurture the best they can, even when it's inconvenient. Ultimately, it's about taking care of God's most vulnerable, innocent children.