In all seriousness, I was a bit dismayed when I heard they were going to make a Star Wars VII because for one thing, that's getting a bit high in Roman numerals for me. For another thing, really, Disney? Are we back to the Michael Eisner days of spewing forth cheap sequels? Oh goodness. When I was a teenager, we would get little Disney ads when we bought new movies, listing all the great new sequels coming out and as I flipped through the catalog, I would furiously announce to the void, "Bambi 2? How can anyone make a sequel to Bambi?"
But if anyone could do it, Disney could. And they did. And did. And did. Which is good news for us, actually, because it means that Star Wars VII has a lot of sequel forms to choose from. For your convenience, I will divide them up into major categories.
The vignettes (Think Cinderella 2, Tarzan and Jane, and Belle's Magical World): Sometimes you don't need a whole big plot but rather just a few feel-good stories. If Star Wars VII takes this form, you can expect Han Solo and Leia to fight and make up, C3PO and R2-D2 to make a new robot friend, and a few ewoks to have a celebration. Hopefully they'll outsource any CGI to cheap animators to make it feel more real (I still have the image of Cinderella waddling up the stairs permanently etched in my cranium).
The unnecessary love story (Think Mulan 2, Hunchback of Notre Dame 2, and Pocahontas 2): Not every Disney story ends with a wedding. And that's why you've got to make the sequel! I mean, think about it. Poor Luke gets left out in the cold with only a bunch of Jedi ghosts to keep him company at the end of Return of the Jedi. He out of everyone deserves love, and I think he deserves to marry someone as beautiful as his mom. So this version would focus on him finding love. Somehow. Surely some girl in the universe would have him. I could see us spending 90+ minutes watching him search for love.
Since we already wrecked everything, let's go against canon some more (Think Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 and Pocahontas 2 again): Hunchback of Notre Dame was such a bizarre choice for Disney to start with. They had to completely change Victor Hugo's story to make it family friendly, and even then it still wasn't family friendly (unless you're comfortable with your kids hearing songs about lust). And Pocahontas? I don't think there was a single shred of truth in that movie, except that there was a girl named Pocahontas and a man named John Smith. But the good news is, since they wrecked everything, they could make some sequels! Instead of dying at the end of the first movie, Quasimodo could get a girlfriend. And as for Pocahontas . . . well, they can still pretend to be historically accurate by having her end up with random John Rolfe. I'm not sure how Disney can do the same with Star Wars, but I'm sure someone somewhere has made up a history for post-Return of the Jedi, and they can completely ignore it.
The sidekicks' stories (Think Lion King 1 1/2, Kronk's New Groove, Tinker Bell): Because you can never have enough of Chewie or C3PO or Jar-Jar.
The midquel (Think Tarzan II [different from Tarzan and Jane], Bambi II, The Fox and the Hound II): We can have this midquel set basically anytime between Phantom Menace and Return of the Jedi, so why not learn about Luke's adventures on Tatooine? I bet he had lots of fun with stormtroopers and learned a lot from Ben.
The next generation (Think Lion King II, Little Mermaid II, Peter Pan II, 101 Dalmatians II, and Lady and the Tramp II): What happens when Han Solo and Leia's kid doesn't want to fly spacecraft or be a Jedi? Can he still follow his dreams in a way that can save the galaxy again?
The Christmas edition (Think Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas): Oh wait. George Lucas's wife already did this. Sorry, Disney.
Incidentally, is it just me, or do these songs sound similar? (For the 2nd song, skip to the 1:30 minute mark.)
Aren't you so excited now for Star Wars VII?
Speculation is that Rey (the girl) is Han and Leia's daughter, so next generation may be the route they're taking.
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