I hope my last post didn't come across too angsty. Life is good and great here -- just some days are hard. That's how life is. For the most part, life is good and getting better. But for my own sake, I'm going to list things that make transitions to being a stay-at-home mom easier. I'm not the best at implementing them (especially yesterday), but if I write them down, then at least I have a list of references!
-Service. Yeah, I'm starting with the most obvious one. If you are feeling lonely, chances are you're not the only one. If you reach out to your neighbors, friends, ward, community, and world, you won't have time to languish in self-pity. And you won't really need to pity yourself, anyway.
But it can be hard to find opportunities to serve outside the home when you have a little baby. I'm sure I could try harder and utilize babysitters more, but there are ways to feel fulfilled even at home, such as
-Focus on your baby. Now is such an amazing opportunity to make an impact in the world by playing with your baby, even if the results don't show up for another few decades. I find that the days where I really try to play with Joseph, rather than just bounce him on my knee while I try and do something on my laptop (this was what I did too much of yesterday, and I can't even remember what it was for, so it must have been pointless), we're both a lot happier. As an added bonus (though this may just be Joseph), once we've had some serious play time, he's generally more willing to let me do some stuff I want.
-Keep the house clean. Again, I often fail at this. But lately I've been trying really hard to deep clean one room each day. I figure I have just a few more months where every mess in the house is under my control before Joseph gets into everything, and I may as well take advantage of these days. Plus, it's hard to be happy in clutter.
But life gets tedious with just housework and baby. And even if you find time to do things you can do on your own, like errands, reading, piano, sewing, cooking, indexing, and blogging (not that I usually manage to do all of those in a day, but I try to do at least one a day), it still gets lonely. So you try to make it to mother's groups and sewing groups and dinner groups and institute, but then the baby has a blowout or your hair takes longer to dry, or stuff just happens. Much as I hate being late to stuff, I've learned,
-Show up to stuff, even if you're late. It is so important for me to get out of the house at least once a day, even if it's just over to the swing set. Better if it requires me to drive. And it's okay to be late to most stuff! People understand that it's hard with a baby. You just need to be there for your own sanity's sake.
-Recognize that a little bit awkward is normal. A friend of mine was recently placed in a calling which involves a lot of interaction with other women. She told me that she didn't feel adequate for the calling because she's not one of those nice people that everyone feels comfortable around. "Well, who is like that?" I asked. She responded, "Oh, I don't know, like Stacey." But here's the thing -- every time I talk to her about this sort of thing, Stacey is always her example of a nice person. What that says to me is that Stacey is an exception rather than the rule. There are some people anyone can feel completely comfortable around, but the rest of us just lumber along awkwardly, trying not to offend each other.
That's been helpful for me to remember as I go home from activities, feeling so stupid about some of the things I've said. I have to tell myself that yes, I might be the most awkward visiting teacher ever, but at least I'm doing it! Yes, I may have just broken every rule in How to Win Friends and Influence People, but at least I made an effort. Eventually, the awkwardness will wear off as I live in a place longer.
-Get as much sunshine as you can. Open windows. Go outside. Even if it takes 5 minutes to bundle up the baby and you're only out there for 3 because it's cold, still go outside!
Anyway, those are a few things that have helped me be happier making this transition. What other things have worked for you? Also, here's a serious question. My service of choice is to make cookies and give them to people. But you do that enough and you start eating way too many cookies (we listed all the treats we've made the past few months and it was kind of embarrassing). But I would feel so silly just giving people, I dunno, carrot sticks on a plate. And since produce is pricey, I don't feel like I can just hand out pineapples to friends. What can you give to people that's not lame, but not unhealthy?
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